Four days and I’m on another first date. A week, and the guy calls me his girlfriend…
In the last hour or so (three different senders, lol):
I saw this again on one of my feeds earlier today – hear! Hear!
(Same shit different day).
Received a breakup email yesterday. So technically it wasn’t ghosting. Yay I guess! Next time I’m asking for a stamp card. LMFAO!
Seriously though, good riddance. The guy reminded me of my ex so badly on this email, where he turns everything upside down and blames me for his own issues, that I am now glad it’s over.
I did some research and self-digging on the topic.
Both the readings and some of my friends’ reaction made me go: WTF?!!! In the part where they go: “it’s not your fault!”, “His loss!” and “it’s especially hard because there’s no closure”.
Yes, rejection sucks. There’s that. But if you feel like it totally crushed you, darlings, you’re either perceiving yourself as the centre of someone else’s universe or else are addicted to love.
The former goes: How dare he disappear on me?!!! But I loved him! He said he loved me too!!! Trusted him, too!!! Dafuck?!! The truth is, we are all selfish. It’s all about us in the first place. So if he felt he didn’t want to continue with the relationship for whatever reason, and chose this sneaky and wimpy way of getting out, it’s because he felt it was the best way for him.
As for trust, you cannot fully trust anyone. Not even yourself actually. Trust is something we develop to lull our anxiety. Oh, I know this person won’t do wrong by me, I trust them. Trust builds on past history. But we can only rely on history to a certain extent. The only constant thing is change though. But this post is not on trust.
So the second possible reason for feeling in pieces from ghosting is love addiction. Since ghosting is, by nature just another kind of a breakup.
Love life takes up too much space in your mind. You value it too high.
How do I know? Because I’m recovering from it right now. It’s a hit and miss, whenever I find another guy, I lose my balance again. But I’m learning how to keep it.
I recently went to myself, I like the Stacie-without-a-guy much better than the Stacie-with-a-guy. The latter is a whiny needy selfish bitch! All she does is either think about the guy, look forward to seeing him, talks to her friends about him or whatnot. It all becomes about the guy.
So I went, wait a minute, my life is so much more than yet another guy! Moreover, no normal guy (let’s not linger on trying to define normal here) will not want to date someone who worships them.
So I forced myself into keeping up the things I’ve been doing sans boyfriend – meeting with friends, spending time with my kids in a meaningful way, staying focused at work… And so on. It’s easier said than done, and I was failing here and there, but practice is the only way to improve any skill.
As for ghosting not having a proper closure, well it actually is a closure. A shitty kind, but still.
Of all what if scenarios that you can come up with, the option of him (her) dropping off the face of the Earth is the only one that justifies the silence. But even if they did, no one has ever had much success dating dead people either. Realistically, what are the chances they died suddenly (unless you were dating an old fart, then you might as well check with the hospitals in the area), as opposed to them turning out to be a wimp?
” You don’t really wanna stay, no
But you don’t really wanna go”
“You’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down”
“Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar”
The latter is soooo bang on!!!!
I’m truly trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, believing that you were indeed crazy busy with the presentation in the last few days.
So much so that you wouldn’t message me at all, and only answer to my ping once.
But by now I’m not men dumb anymore, and I think that most likely, you are about to break up with me yet again.
I get it, I was too quick to take you back in, I was weak, wanting to believe in a frickin fairytale. But as we know, those never happen in real life.
Washington was fun. I won’t regret going with you, no matter how things turn out.
If you show up tomorrow, tell me you missed me, ask me out, this post will be evidence of me overreacting yet again.
But if you don’t, I will learn this lesson and hopefully get yet another bit wiser. “You live, you learn”.
Either way, I wish you all the best, hopefully you find happiness and the right person for you.
PS I love you.
JD and I are a thing again. It’s a long story that I am not ready to put together just yet, but we’ve officially made up last night. I am totally sleep deprived but also happy.
In short, our issue was lack of communication – he was having conversations with me in his head, I was doing the same thing in mine. Created lots of misunderstandings that eventually lead to a breakup. We’ve both been miserable afterwards, but it took two months to start over – as he said last night, maybe we aren’t that different after all – referring to how we are both too anxious and well, inapt in dating. I concur!
I’m pretty certain JD was right behind me on the road today. Turned into the parking lot of a tavern I went to last night. I nearly turned around to go and see if it was indeed him. But I didn’t. My stomach kept churning for some time afterwards though.
I once told JD that should we ever break up, it’d be hard for me – since he set the bar so high.
I think I’m experiencing just that – he was smart, funny, great in sex and caring. For sure, he had shortfalls as well, highly disorganised, impulsive, anxious and trying to overpower here and there. But I’ve never been with someone who I felt the way I felt with him, it’s hard to describe, really… I guess secure is the closest. Calm. In the right place.
So I guess for now I did the right thing, I’m working hard on getting involved in aspects of my life that aren’t dating related. So far I notice humble progress. And that’s all I could hope for.
I feel weird. I can feel that somewhere deep inside I’m still getting over the JD thing. But it doesn’t come out on the surface at all. I rarely think about the guy, I never try to replay anything from the past – ever since I’ve put together a recollection of what went on the way I now see it right after the breakup, I don’t open that door. But the door Is there. So is the place behind it, where I used to be happy that is now soaking in sadness.