When you had a really hot and vivid dream starring one of your co-workers (one of the eye candies) and then you end up sitting across from them in a management meeting few hours later.
Of the six basic emotions – happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust – I guess I was having hardest time with anger. I didn’t let myself feel angry. Anger is something that immediately triggered guilt and regret – as in: I am not allowed to feel that way… It’s wrong!
Fuck that! I’m mad at the douchebag who tried to pin his problems on me! I’m mad at the other guy, who tried to improve his own standing at my expense. It feels so liberating – being angry and not feeling guilty for it!
(Same shit different day).
Received a breakup email yesterday. So technically it wasn’t ghosting. Yay I guess! Next time I’m asking for a stamp card. LMFAO!
Seriously though, good riddance. The guy reminded me of my ex so badly on this email, where he turns everything upside down and blames me for his own issues, that I am now glad it’s over.
I did some research and self-digging on the topic.
Both the readings and some of my friends’ reaction made me go: WTF?!!! In the part where they go: “it’s not your fault!”, “His loss!” and “it’s especially hard because there’s no closure”.
Yes, rejection sucks. There’s that. But if you feel like it totally crushed you, darlings, you’re either perceiving yourself as the centre of someone else’s universe or else are addicted to love.
The former goes: How dare he disappear on me?!!! But I loved him! He said he loved me too!!! Trusted him, too!!! Dafuck?!! The truth is, we are all selfish. It’s all about us in the first place. So if he felt he didn’t want to continue with the relationship for whatever reason, and chose this sneaky and wimpy way of getting out, it’s because he felt it was the best way for him.
As for trust, you cannot fully trust anyone. Not even yourself actually. Trust is something we develop to lull our anxiety. Oh, I know this person won’t do wrong by me, I trust them. Trust builds on past history. But we can only rely on history to a certain extent. The only constant thing is change though. But this post is not on trust.
So the second possible reason for feeling in pieces from ghosting is love addiction. Since ghosting is, by nature just another kind of a breakup.
Love life takes up too much space in your mind. You value it too high.
How do I know? Because I’m recovering from it right now. It’s a hit and miss, whenever I find another guy, I lose my balance again. But I’m learning how to keep it.
I recently went to myself, I like the Stacie-without-a-guy much better than the Stacie-with-a-guy. The latter is a whiny needy selfish bitch! All she does is either think about the guy, look forward to seeing him, talks to her friends about him or whatnot. It all becomes about the guy.
So I went, wait a minute, my life is so much more than yet another guy! Moreover, no normal guy (let’s not linger on trying to define normal here) will not want to date someone who worships them.
So I forced myself into keeping up the things I’ve been doing sans boyfriend – meeting with friends, spending time with my kids in a meaningful way, staying focused at work… And so on. It’s easier said than done, and I was failing here and there, but practice is the only way to improve any skill.
As for ghosting not having a proper closure, well it actually is a closure. A shitty kind, but still.
Of all what if scenarios that you can come up with, the option of him (her) dropping off the face of the Earth is the only one that justifies the silence. But even if they did, no one has ever had much success dating dead people either. Realistically, what are the chances they died suddenly (unless you were dating an old fart, then you might as well check with the hospitals in the area), as opposed to them turning out to be a wimp?
I ended up not going to a concert I bought a ticket for months ago – school and work both were getting in the way – but got a very nice compensation – great chat with a girlfriend and an impromptu date with JD – I love those – they’re spicy! Yum!
By the way, life’s so much easier and fun when I kick my anxiety’s ass for a change!
JD and I are a thing again. It’s a long story that I am not ready to put together just yet, but we’ve officially made up last night. I am totally sleep deprived but also happy.
In short, our issue was lack of communication – he was having conversations with me in his head, I was doing the same thing in mine. Created lots of misunderstandings that eventually lead to a breakup. We’ve both been miserable afterwards, but it took two months to start over – as he said last night, maybe we aren’t that different after all – referring to how we are both too anxious and well, inapt in dating. I concur!
I once told JD that should we ever break up, it’d be hard for me – since he set the bar so high.
I think I’m experiencing just that – he was smart, funny, great in sex and caring. For sure, he had shortfalls as well, highly disorganised, impulsive, anxious and trying to overpower here and there. But I’ve never been with someone who I felt the way I felt with him, it’s hard to describe, really… I guess secure is the closest. Calm. In the right place.
So I guess for now I did the right thing, I’m working hard on getting involved in aspects of my life that aren’t dating related. So far I notice humble progress. And that’s all I could hope for.
Fuck buddies. Hmm. So far so good. Quite curious in fact. Odd but not awkward. Some excitement too. From novelty and simplicity.
The date last Thursday went alright. He’s been more on the asking side, I’ve found a number of similarities with G. Definitely a G.2.
Unlike the first time, not only do I see his moves, but also what he’s trying to accomplish. Also see through all his BS.
All in all, he’s a good distraction, fun and smart, no more. He asked me out again. And since he’s a good kisser, I’m going. Also bought me a coffee today, called first and asked me about my preference too.
We agreed to go for a drink on Thursday. JM said that Thursday worked for him too, but a. if I wait for the guy, I’ll die without much action and b. I can squeeze both in one evening. I’m a master planner!