My chat with the kids

– Guys, remember one time I took you to my office, you met my friend G.?

– Nope.

– Do you know what a boyfriend is?

– Yes! Someone you date!

– You know what dating is?

– No.

– Where you get together with someone, spend time, have fun, hug and kiss.

– So I’m dating G.

– Why?

– Because we like each other.

– Are you going to get married?

– Whoa! One step at a time! Would you like to meet him?

– Yes!

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He wants to meet my kids

He said it last night, wants me to meet his daughter, is eager to meet my kids, but no pressure. I want him to. Speaking of things developing quickly, eh? Also talked to his son on the phone briefly for the first time.

Also said that although there is a number of difficulties (my guess would be distance that we both called out on few occasions and the schedule), he believes we can make this work – cuz if you don’t think you can get there, there is no use in trying at all. But that he is also even glad about these – makes one appreciate things more when they don’t come easy.

Rrrolling with it

We’ve been stealing some moments here and there during my month end craziness, where he would stop by after everyone else in the office had left, or hide in a hallway to hug and kiss…

Yesterday morning I was all worked up and stressed – crazy times at work, sleep deprivation… So when he kissed me, I said no more of it unless he had a gum or a mint (he smokes, I vape and occasionally smoke). Man, the guilt and hurt I saw on his face made me hurt! He apologised, said it was so bad of him etc… Ugh. I went on his press later that day and we smoothed things out.

Two makeout sessions in the office today were amazing. He is just the prefect mix of dry humour, sarcasm, sweetness, shyness and naughty. I get a kick out of being around him just like he claims he does from my presence.

He doesn’t let me doubt for a second that he’s interested, yet he isn’t pushing or obsessively pleasing by his idea of what I may like /need. He listens and asks questions to understand me. I do the same. When I told him I get cold feet, he switched from joking to dead serious in split second and in a minute or so was able to I guess calm me down. It was everything, his tone, his expression, posture that made me immediately relaxed.

Today I also had a boobs blush for the first time in my life! When he looked down at my chest, it literally made my boobs blush.

With him, I don’t get this urge to speed things up, to know what’s next, or where this whole thing is going to. I just enjoy every step when I get a chance in these crazy busy times.

PS he’s a Leo, just like me, and I am reconsidering my sceptical approach to horoscopes… 😆

New developments here

One of my smoking buddies has been promoted to possibly soon-to-be-dating. We’ve had the longest virtual somewhat long distance exchange in forever. He was in a pretty rough shape with his ex still living at his place, him being either depressed or upset most of the times etc. So I just was there chatting and encouraging.

Whenever he was in a lighter mood, we flirted. Also, he has an amazing sense of humour. It’s dry, sarcastic and most of the time I have a hard time telling if he’s joking at all.

Other great things about him are – he is clearly interested in me (yay! That’s the first) – and has demonstrated a steady interest for I don’t know how many months – we slowly progressed from occasional messaging and meeting in the smoking area to regular calls, then we hugged, today we kissed. It’s such a slow pace where no one is trying to push forward or rush that I am amazed – it flows naturally.

He’s a family guy to the bone – loves and adores his kids (the oldest isn’t his biologically, yet he raised her since she was two), his mom and grandfather.

He has his own place – albeit in a different city an hour or so away from mine.

He is very sweet and romantic and great with words.

At one point I told him straight out that as long as his ex still lives under the same roof, what goes on between us will stay where it was – calls and chats in smoking area. He was pretty impressed with my boldness – well, I am straightforward generally, and at that point I had some wine too. (Not to gain bravery or anything, just to relax after yet another crazy day at work).

She moved out about a month ago – things have gained momentum ever since – and yet he always stays respectful and can tell where the boundary is – unlike so many guys I’ve dated who are totally on their own agenda and press it pretty hard. Or otherwise wait for you to take initiative. Yeah, right – I’m the driver, thanks, no.

In short, I am cautiously optimistic (I think I’ve used this expression before few times) – this time around I am warming up to the guy, not feel repulsed by him nor chase someone with a lukewarm interest for me…

PS He, like G. is another Irish G. I work with. But that’s about all similarities that there are to it.

 

Single!

It’s odd, but I think it’s the first time where I am officially single with no “leads” or whatnot in forever. It’s probably been over fifteen years since I was in this position.

It feels weird. I am trying to explore how I feel about it, and I cannot. Too many conflicting emotions at this point. So I guess I’ll just live it and see how it goes.

Poor me (not!)

Was crushed between feelings of disappointment and disgust by myself on one hand and self-pity on the other hand for quite awhile lately. 

Poor me, JM lied to me! How dare he disappoint me! 

Poor me, my sex buddy wouldn’t get together with me on the one day I suggested! How dare he!

Poor me, JD ditched me (again) in a dick move way! How dare he!

Poor me, the new guy (not sure if he’s been mentioned in this blog yet) is clingy, needy and well, too much. How dare he!

Funny how I keep putting the fucking tiara on my head!