Defense mechanism

I just ditched a guy after two dates. The real reason – boring AF. Can’t say that tho, no need to hurt his feelings.

So instead I said that I didn’t believe this could develop any further, so it wasn’t fair to go on.

His response – he didn’t feel romantic attraction either. I’ve been on the scene long enough to tell if a guy is attracted to me or not. Also, his actions – constant texting, leaving Match, expressing excitement about upcoming date – tell me otherwise. So it’s really funny to observe one’s defense mechanism in action.



I’ve abandoned this blog, or so it seems.

JD and I have been on another round from around Valentine’s day. It doesn’t seem to be going well at all, now I really doubt this thing can succeed at all.

I’m not calling it a relationship on purpose, since couple dates and as many booty calls don’t make up for one. Three years of dating have taught me one thing for sure – a clear view of what’s going on prevents me from hurting.

Realising that the guy isn’t that into you doesn’t provide for a warm and fuzzy feeling for sure, yet it allows for developing a more calculated approach to the situation as well as takes care of unpleasant surprises that are bound to occur when reality and illusions clash.

Shades of truth/lies

This new guy I’ve been talking to lately asked me head-on if I were single. An absolutely honest answer to it would be “I’m not sure” or “It’s complicated”. But it sounds weird and well, complicated.

So I went with: “I broke up with the guy I was seeing few weeks ago” – which is, too, an absolutely honest answer. Except for it doesn’t cover the present situation. I think I am getting better at this!


The fun, good-looking and amazing guy I so hated sending a breakup text to late October turned out to be wrong for me.

I hooked up with him right after JD was gone. We went to my Christmas party together and have been dating ever since.

I can totally list things that were the reason for me losing interest. In short, it’s the mix of self importance on one hand, where the guy is so certain I’m excited about him, and neediness and clinginess on the other. As my colleague put it, I’m his time filler. 

He’s a nice guy overall, we just have different energy levels in life. He’s trying to boost his off mine. I’ve been married twice to guys like that. I don’t want to date anyone like that anymore.

The only reason I am reluctant to end it is fear. I’m scared I might end up in dicksands again – but on the other hand, I feel like dicksands get quicker the more annoyed I get with this guy.

Poor me (not!)

Was crushed between feelings of disappointment and disgust by myself on one hand and self-pity on the other hand for quite awhile lately. 

Poor me, JM lied to me! How dare he disappoint me! 

Poor me, my sex buddy wouldn’t get together with me on the one day I suggested! How dare he!

Poor me, JD ditched me (again) in a dick move way! How dare he!

Poor me, the new guy (not sure if he’s been mentioned in this blog yet) is clingy, needy and well, too much. How dare he!

Funny how I keep putting the fucking tiara on my head!