So, you’ve been ghosted…

I did some research and self-digging on the topic.

Both the readings and some of my friends’ reaction made me go: WTF?!!! In the part where they go: “it’s not your fault!”, “His loss!” and “it’s especially hard because there’s no closure”.

Yes, rejection sucks. There’s that. But if you feel like it totally crushed you, darlings, you’re either perceiving yourself as the centre of someone else’s universe or else are addicted to love. 

The former goes: How dare he disappear on me?!!! But I loved him! He said he loved me too!!! Trusted him, too!!! Dafuck?!! The truth is, we are all selfish. It’s all about us in the first place. So if he felt he didn’t want to continue with the relationship for whatever reason, and chose this sneaky and wimpy way of getting out, it’s because he felt it was the best way for him. 

As for trust, you cannot fully trust anyone. Not even yourself actually. Trust is something we develop to lull our anxiety. Oh, I know this person won’t do wrong by me, I trust them. Trust builds on past history. But we can only rely on history to a certain extent. The only constant thing is change though. But this post is not on trust.

So the second possible reason for feeling in pieces from ghosting is love addiction. Since ghosting is, by nature just another kind of a breakup.

Love life takes up too much space in your mind. You value it too high.

How do I know? Because I’m recovering from it right now. It’s a hit and miss, whenever I find another guy, I lose my balance again. But I’m learning how to keep it.

I recently went to myself, I like the Stacie-without-a-guy much better than the Stacie-with-a-guy. The latter is a whiny needy selfish bitch! All she does is either think about the guy, look forward to seeing him, talks to her friends about him or whatnot. It all becomes about the guy. 

So I went, wait a minute, my life is so much more than yet another guy! Moreover, no normal guy (let’s not linger on trying to define normal here) will not want to date someone who worships them.

So I forced myself into keeping up the things I’ve been doing sans boyfriend – meeting with friends, spending time with my kids in a meaningful way, staying focused at work… And so on. It’s easier said than done, and I was failing here and there, but practice is the only way to improve any skill.

As for ghosting not having a proper closure, well it actually is a closure. A shitty kind, but still. 

Of all what if scenarios that you can come up with, the option of him (her) dropping off the face of the Earth is the only one that justifies the silence. But even if they did, no one has ever had much success dating dead people either. Realistically, what are the chances they died suddenly (unless you were dating an old fart, then you might as well check with the hospitals in the area), as opposed to them turning out to be a wimp?

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