Deja vu

We all have those triggers – where we overreact to something big time – usually not being able to explain why.

Well, that’s one of the benefits of having a blog – I was able to pinpoint my exact trigger for my yesterday panic – in this post from two years ago. Less than a month after that we were history.

Tuesday night I asked JD if we were getting together yesterday (it was the first time I asked for a date too – I decided I could do it after almost four months of seeing him).

He said he’d love to, but he had to get the house ready for Friday and why didn’t we have dinner and watch GoT instead? I replied that I didn’t necessarily asked for an outing, so sure, dinner and show would be great, asking what was up on Friday. Turned out his son was having a surgery and he wanted to get the house ready and welcoming for his recovery.

I suggested cancelling the date or at least cooking or buying us dinner. He said he’d love to have me hang around while he cleaned and that he’d also take care of the dinner. I offered to help with cleaning and wished him goodnight.

Yesterday I messaged him around six asking when I should be coming over. He replied half hour later – saying how he was stuck in traffic forever and how he wasn’t sure – it would be nice to see me but he felt spent and “wouldn’t be great company“. Also contemplated if he should clean up or have a nap (YAWN). All I said was sorry about traffic, let’s cancel tonight. He said OK, apologised and complained about hard day at work.

I think the three things that sent me on a full blown crazy fit were:

  • The “won’t be good company” trigger
  • The fact that it seems that we won’t see each other for almost a month now (which he doesn’t realise yet)
  • His mood swings – where there were only few days between “I love you, I’m so happy” and “I am spent and don’t feel like getting together” – I was able to not join him on his emotional roller coaster before, but something finally dragged me onto it.
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