A level-up

JD and I got together last Saturday night and ended up spending most of yesterday together as well (I had to step out for a meeting with a girlfriend).

He asked me to come over on Saturday after he spent over fifteen hours driving home.

I think I am finally over my dating related anxiety, at least with him. It doesn’t mean I stopped overthinking or worrying or fretting over stuff entirely, only that I don’t do it as often and when I do, I can control it.

There was whole lot of compliments and love confessions from him flying around on Saturday night, but since the following morning he wasn’t able to remember what went on after a certain point (he didn’t account for his tiredness so the booze got the best of him), I am hugely discounting all those statements.

Yesterday he said he was considering going to home sit his friend’s house in CA for the long weekend in August. I realised it meant that I won’t probably see him for the most of the month (between my schedule of kids’ weekends, and his vacation with kids in the middle of it we won’t get together until end of third week of August).

I also realised that a. he has no idea – since I haven’t told him about my decision not to go camping with him yet; b. he may still invite me to join him on the trip to CA (we’ve discussed such probability before, only we talked about this coming weekend) and c. space that is created by being apart is as important for a relationship as oxygen is for breathing.

And I can spend time without him and actually truly enjoy it – it’s a different kind of fun, but it’s still fun!!!

So instead of either whining and laying all of the above out for him or asking if we would like me to come with him, I said nothing – my favourite tactics lately – as in: When in doubt, say nothing!

PS I just did some housecleaning – erased the whole chat with JM. Meaning I value what JD and I have enough to make effort not to ruin it with my own silliness.


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