I think I have reached a state of a relationship enlightenment – where I am enjoying every minute of it while I am with the guy, then I flip a switch to “normal life” and go on with it and I am accepting of the idea that most likely than not this thing will not last.
The hardest part is the switch-over day though. It’s almost like being stuck between two states – very unstable and emotional.
There has been odd thing about messaging with JD while I was away – frequency of our messaging decreased, he completely stopped showing any affection in the conversations – he’s never been that affectionate to begin with – but now there is none at all.
Oddly enough, I was able to rationalise my way out of fretting over it that much – whether this is just him detaching from everything back home while he’s away on his vacation, or it’s a sign that he intends to quit this thing altogether – it’s not worth worrying about either way – for one, I’ll never know until he’s back, also, even if it is the gloom and doom scenario, I know the drill by now – go back to dating scene, activate flirting with JM – in case of a miraculous event of his bubble walls getting thin enough.
What also helps is distinguishing the fun stuff I do with the guy from the guy himself – yes, I will not be able to afford/do some of it on my own, but on the other hand, I can always do this same stuff (or something entirely different but as enjoyable) with a different person!