I didn’t even realised there was one until last night! All this time since I have no idea when I was wearing a protective guard over my heart I guess is the best word.
I believe that it was a trust issue, I thought of myself as trusting, but in fact I confused two things, emotional and trusting.
I neither trusted guys, nor myself with them. So part of my brain was always vigilant. Watching everything, analysing, trying to provide advice and guidance. (Not that I would listen to it in the end).
Good things, all of these, but not when it comes to sex! It’s way, and I mean WAAAAY better with a total brain shut-off. For the record, I’ve been loving sex for the last two years.
A very intense and powerful relaxation follows. (Nope, it’s not me discovering orgasm either, get these a lot 😏). My ever present background noise of worrying, observing my surroundings and so on was gone. Sooooo quiet!!!