Two months

JD and I have been dating for two months today. This bean counter did some math – we’ve been on thirteen dates by now. Which is an unusual frequency for me. So is the fact that I’ve already met part of his family – his daughter, as well as two of three of his siblings with their spouses.

I’m cautiously optimistic about this story. I had few instances where my anxiety demon stirred, but all of them were false alarm ones. Mostly they were caused by the “too good to be true” concept.

We seem to get along well, enjoy each other’s company and have fun. That is all that matters, right?

I am trying to control my affection – slow it down between the dates, rev it up when I am around him – I have been somewhat successful in that. I am proud of myself, it’s quite an achievement for this messed up lady.

I’m also learning from this relationship – how to be caring without becoming proprietary and territorial, how to trust and enjoy my partner’s enjoyment. The last one is quite powerful – it’s like when you set two mirrors in front of each other – and you get reflections of reflections of reflections. We have established that we’re both givers – and that is frigging amazing, when no one is holding back or tries to demand anything in return for their inputs. Nor am I trying to push my agenda on him – I want to make sure we both enjoy whatever we are up to.

Another great thing about it is that I almost never fret over “So what’s next?!!” – which used to be so me before. If the answer is ‘nothing’, so be it. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, I’ll move on if it ends.

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