This time is the first one where I don’t feel the need for fusion with the other person. Where I totally feel our boundaries – mine and his both – and respect them. I see the differences and there is neither ‘OK, I can live with that one’ nor ‘OMG! I need to try to get into this stuff, to be more like him’ nor ‘I wonder if he can change and not do this sometime in the future’. Nor is there the fear of ‘What if he doesn’t like this or that about me’.
We discussed it another day – how a person is a package deal – it’s a ‘take it or leave it’ situation – not ‘pick and choose’. There always will be things that you don’t necessarily like about the other person. In any situation.
Now I think that I approached the whole relationship business from the wrong side – I craved to fuse, to become one and thus was both anxious to get closer and disrespectful to the guy at the same time.