Inner conflict

Pausing dating feels odd – I mean, I do want to find the right guy for me, I know that for sure.

However, the whole “other situation” in my life leaves me with two choices – quitting dating until it’s resolved or lying about an important aspect of my life. The situation is such that telling the truth about it at an early stage of acquaintance will most likely be the end of it.

I am a good liar. Exceptionally good one actually. However, honesty is one of my values. I choose not to lie whenever I can. White lies, small lies are more or less acceptable. But big fat lies are not. Trust is cornerstone of any relationship. Lies deteriorate that cornerstone big time. Not telling something is fine in my books, but there will be questions about the aspect of my life early on, I cannot just wave them off with “I don’t want to talk about it”.

Turns out that in order to preserve integrity and stick with my values I sometimes need to make choices that go against my wishes. As someone once said, dead ends don’t exist, there are situations where you don’t like any existing solutions.

This whole situation exposes me to dangers of getting back into dicksands with JM, but realising that whenever I feel like I miss him is actually a tangle of me missing dating and him where the part of missing dating prevails big time, helps to avoid dicksands.


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