If I were the one reading the signs…

Used a quote from my favourite Silver Linings Playbook for this post’s title.

Dating history in December – where I would get too excited about a guy and intrude into his boundaries too far and too fast, another time where I ran into a bitch of a social worker on a decent first date, third time where a heavy blizzard cancelled another first date – all these things were clearly indicating that I should quit dating for now.

Of course, I didn’t realise it until recently. And having connected the dots, being my old fight-prone self, I tried to keep pushing forward. But I won’t anymore. If the Universe or destiny or whatnot benches some aspect of my life, there must be a reason for it. I have learned oh too well by now that like Forrest Gump said, “I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floatin’ around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it’s both.” I can prevail if I keep pushing. Last time I did so, I ended up marrying a guy who wasn’t good for me at all.

This time I decided not to push anymore. I am taking a break from dating. I will keep messaging with the few guys I started talking to recently, but once they are gone, I am on a break until my other big ass situation gets resolved. The situation is too stressful, it requires all my nerves and energy to be able to keep my shit together. Any other stress destabilises me to a dangerous level – where I am caught between the hammer and the anvil, depression and anxiety.

I am finally at the point of my life where I can distinguish between my wants and my needs. I have detached my feel of self-worth from success with guys. Now there is no feel of urgency in dating anymore.

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