I went on a first date last night to a mall (snacks and movie format) and ran into the bitch of a social worker that brought so much misery into my life this year. It’ll also spill out into the next year as well. She was craning her neck to turn away from me, it was actually quite funny to observe. Fucking bitch!
The date was weird, but good weird.
I decided to start blogging about guys in a cheap romance novels style going forward.
Andrew (also known as the express ex boyfriend – I think I set my new personal record – a breakup after not even a month and four dates) – all she had left of him was the smell of his arousing aftershave on the collar of her winter coat. She would bury her face in delicious garment and her eyes would swell with tears of hurt and disappointment over and over again.
Mark – her chest was swelling with excitement from the upcoming meeting – there was a chance that He may be there! Her luck was running high that morning. Mark was so handsome that he looked hot even in the silly hairnet they were supposed to wear on the production floor. After some hesitation, she took the chair next to him. A wave of excitement shot through her whenever she dared to steal yet another peek at him. At some point he turned her way, leaned over the table and she could feel his hot breathing on her hand. For the rest of the day the moment would make her blush every time she went back to it in her mind.
We got together again – after a two weeks’ break. Seems like G. had the best suited schedule for dating – I saw him more often than any other guy so far – who would have known! Lol.
We went out for drinks, got together at 8:30, met up at a restaurant I used to frequent in my second wave of dating effort. The ease and no BS feel is still there – I think they call it get along well, lol. I actually had a very stressful week – so I took time yesterday to write down and memorise stories from the past two weeks I wanted to share – call it crazy, but when I’m tired, I need this kind of crap, or else I’ll just sit there staring into the distance.
Continue reading “Andrew – date #4 – No Nonsense continued”
I think I found a recipy for not falling into yet another addiction. It’s both simple and not.
Addiction is a monster, really, or rather a siren, who tries to gain all your attention and with it all your time and energy, promising excitement, fun and happiness, a state of hakuna matata in return.
Enjoying something is a good thing. A healthy and energising one. Making it the only fun thing in your life, obsessing over it is not.
The recipy to prevent anything from turning into a monster is – not letting any one pleasure to become The One – no matter what it is – switching the pleasures, learning to enjoy things that were stressful before – if you can’t change the circumstances,. change the attitude – it works, trust me, I am doing it over and over again – takes some practice and willpower, but it does!
Second piece of the equasion is to channel energy from sources of pleasures into things that aren’t that great at the moment and therefore require some willpower applied to do them. Like today – when I got asked out for yet another date – instead of starting to daydream and constantly thinking about the guy – I just went on to extend my exercising program, worked on some other stuff I planned as ‘probable’ for tonight. It’s not as fun, but I used the excitement to get them done. Not to grow the importance of the guy in my mind.
Saw my work crush aka Mark in a meeting this morning. In the meeting I wrote about three weeks ago I thought I was imagining things – but today I am certain – he IS flirting with me! The meeting was in a board room with a round table in the middle and more chairs at the walls. He was a the table, I was at the wall nearby. He sooo totally turned to the wall and glanced over to me few times when nothing was causing him to do so! Also winked at me when I was leaving the room. Ha! Silly stuff improves my moods for the day!
Also noticed another younger guy checking me out (same story – him at the table, turning towards me for no reason – caught him looking by accident, he’s not hot and married – a go away recipe right there).
It’s funny how I still feel surprised when I notice guys check me out – even two years into working out and putting effort into looking attractive.
The hardest part of relationships for me is to avoid getting hopeful, not to build expectations too. I am a positive person, so my default setting is ‘Everything is going to be alright’. Now, for relationships I need to cut out the future tense and just go ‘Everything is alright FOR NOW’. The only reality we have is the Here and Now. Future doesn’t exist.
Continue reading “Go with the flow and call it by its real name”
I was just thinking of how I should assign a name to this guy – like I usually do – using first letter of their name for the purpose as a rule of thumb.
And then something stirred inside – the huge work crush in 2014 – the one that I started this blog with – the only one I actually gave a made-up name to – Andrew. (The reason I named him that was simple – it’s my favourite male name – I wanted to call my son Andrew, but my ex was against it). So anyhow – guess what this guy’s real name is? Some things in life are weird (not ‘reading the signs’, mind you, just feeling amazed).
So I will call him by his real name. No 2 at the end either – the first guy wasn’t a real Andrew after all.
Yesterday I went on a perfect date. I am surprised something as amazing actually happened to me this year – the year of screw ups all the way. I guess the tide must be changing, just like I thought and hoped it was.
Continue reading “Now to the hot stuff – date #3 with the second candidate”
Or I rather should say Ex candidate #1.
We finally met up on Friday. Aaaaaand it was a disappointment! Not huge (lol, the guy is actually quite um compact?), but still. Although he is quite funny and knows how to keep a conversation going etc… There still is this air about him – I am not sure how to describe it properly. Like you can feel that he is trying to impress you. A level of fakeness if you will. There is nothing really wrong about it, just doesn’t seem genuine, that’s all.
We also only spent two hours together – and I felt tired – so I don’t think this is going to go anywhere far. I’m not going to blow him off just yet, but I am not going to let it develop that much either.
I already knew I was overthinking them. Putting more value into them than they deserved. The unanswered question until now was why. I don’t care about social status – I feel no negative emotions when I say I am single. On the contrary, it sounds good! It’s not about getting financial support either – I am quite alright on my own, as it turns out. I can also take care of a house, cooking is looked after by my mom, so there is no immediate need to get a guy. I mean, emotional and physical closeness are nice, but not something I cannot live without. Especially considering that friends can provide for emotional closeness.
Continue reading “I think I nailed main reason for why I fail in relationships”