I went out on two first dates this weekend. These were guys number 3 and 2 on my current list of candidates respectively.
Guy #3 was on Friday night. He speaks my mother tongue which is quite unusual for locals. He was married to someone from my native country and lived there for few years. His language skills were pretty much the only thing that impressed me. It’s cruel to say so, but it’s my blog and I’m not filtering here. If anywhere.
He was yet another sweet talker with a set of clingy tricks. I guess his example let me finally pinpoint what the problem was with sweet talkers in general. They try to break into my boundaries employing super concentrated flattery for the purpose. (So called ‘approach from underneath’). They’ll tell me how incredibly pretty and amazing I am and how they were so not hoping that I would accept their invite, but simultaneously will try to shorten the distance by moving their chair closer, touching my hand or shoulder as if by accident etc. And they react with offence when I stop these actions by moving further away or removing my hand. A smart guy will realise that he’s gone too far too fast after one or two attempts and will pretend that nothing had happened. A less smarter guy will apologise after quitting it. A stupid guy will persist in his rudeness. This one was rather stupid – he would even call me out on moving away or jokingly accuse me of offending him by taking my hand from him.
This time around I kept it going for three hours – with sole purpose of getting a better look at the sweet talker’s tactics and behaviors, to be able to recognise them faster when I encounter them going forward. That, and to oggle the super hot guy at the table next to us. He was there with two buddies, but there was a band on his ring finger, so oggling only it was.
The second date was last night. We got together at 8 pm, which I thought was rather late, but I didn’t really mind – after all, it was a Saturday night and the first date – they rarely last too long.
4.5 hours later I was exhausted and driving myself home in the first snowfall of the season, but I didn’t feel like the time was wasted. I had a really good time, the guy is a very interesting conversation partner, can tell a good story as well as appreciates one, we have similar views and taste in many things. Overall, I got a really great impression from the guy. I honestly didn’t realise that we spent this much time together until the following day. I thought it was just under three hours.
I hope he got a positive impression too. We exchanged numbers last night and texted some today.
My candidate number one has disappeared last Friday, and since he was yet another pen pal so far (an active one until Friday, texting a lot throughout the day, but still, a frigging pen pal), I am demoting him to number two on my list. He couldn’t care less, I know, but it’s important for me to try and finally wrap my head around the notion of ‘He doesn’t want to date me – whatever, scratch this one, move on to the next one’. The approach provides for both self-respect and respect for the guy’s wishes and preferences. The What If thing that used to go off in my head in cases like these – like in ‘what if he does warm up to me’ – is answered with both ‘what if he doesn’t?’ and ‘he then will cut out the pen pal BS and start acting. Until then, I move on’.