Dating updates – a surprise one too

Last Wednesday I decided to ping the candidate #1 – only because he was at the top of my list. He apologized for disappearing on me claiming the extreme business card (read: not really interested card) – and we’ve been messaging daily again. Last Sunday he asked me about my plans for the week and suggested that we should meet for a coffee or something. I said it’d be nice – and that was the extent of it – still waiting for something concrete from the dude. But he’s so great at putting a smile on my face, a smart guy too.

Now there’s more development with the candidate #2 who I guess is by now the official #1. It’s funny. I mean, I guess that’s how things are supposed to develop – where there’s not much BS, but a certain level of mutual attraction – I was surprised to feel a sudden onset of attraction though. It pretty much developed without me realizing it was brewing. Odd!

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New round of first dates

I went out on two first dates this weekend. These were guys number 3 and 2 on my current list of candidates respectively.

Guy #3 was on Friday night. He speaks my mother tongue which is quite unusual for locals. He was married to someone from my native country and lived there for few years. His language skills were pretty much the only thing that impressed me. It’s cruel to say so, but it’s my blog and I’m not filtering here. If anywhere.

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Bingo! A new fancying object

There has to be a fancying object in the workplace! It’s an absolute must! Makes going in to work so much more interesting!

I found myself one at this place – it’s been nearly a year since I have started here too! The guy, let’s call him Mark (I love the name – and his name is as gorgeous), works on the shop floor (unlike myself – I’m at the office). That’s good – if the object is too close, it makes it hard to concentrate on work.

Mark is totally gorgeous – he is George Clooney type, only with green eyes and absolutely amazing voice. (Although I personally don’t usually like Clooney types, just describing the guy). Every lady in the office blushes when he comes in and starts flirting. It’s actually funny to watch. I saw him around before, but never paid attention – I mean, I heard the voice and my eyes were open, but I guess I was preoccupied with my dating drama.

He is smart too. And funny. And married. There’s always this major fuckup as it seems – whenever it comes to gorgeous guys. Oh well, my rules still allow for oggling and flirting when it comes to married guys.

Mark and I are in this new training series together – so we got to sit next to each other for an hour today, unfortunately, he was further from the screen than I, so I didn’t get to oggle him long enough. But He was leaning on the back of the chair next to mine, so at least I got a close view every time I dared to turn.

JM is back. Sort of.

The guy and I said we would try to be friends after the official breakup a month ago or so. We’ve messaged on and off for the first two weeks, where he was trying so hard to boost my spirits by saying things that in a nutshell meant: ‘You’re not good enough for me, but I am sure there are many guys who’ll be lucky to have you’. It’s not how he put it, but all these comments on how guys must be lining up to get a chance with me were exactly how I interpreted them.

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Wants VS Needs

I just realised that there is a universal equation of how to overcome and get rid of any addiction, any bad habit:

I don’t need it
It’s bad for me
I don’t really want it anymore!

It’s simple and it works. All bad habits start from our wants. We don’t consider the costs (or prefer no downgrade them, make them look smaller), we only see the benefits. It’s same old tunnel vision. But answer yourself – is this really what you need? Is it good for you? If the answer to either or both is a no, then the want part will be easier to get rid of.

It happened to my smoking. It’s happening to my drinking. I am under a HUGE stress right now – by all rules, I should be drinking more, not less. But the opposite is happening. I am barely drinking at all. And I didn’t even have to do any self-work to get there. I just quit without noticing it! Whoa! Human mind keeps fascinating me!

Fighting anxiety and demoting relationships

I went back to counselling few weeks ago. It seems to help me – if not a lot, then some. My self-digging was great and all, but my biggest issue for now is that I need to somehow internalise all those great conclusions I had made.

First and foremost – I need to learn to chill and relax again – my anxiety levels are through the roof these days. I used to have the healthy ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude (to a certain extent, of course), but it’s gone – it’s a Freakout 24×7 team now.

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Freezing this Blog

My current situation is such that dating is the least of my worries. It’s a non-existent problem in my cloudy sky.

I had doubted for some time – whether I want to put this whole story online or not at all. I became paranoid – at first, because of the psychotic break and then – well, because of the chain of events that followed.

I thought of recycling this blog. But then I decided not to. I want to have two separate blogs – one for my crazy dating side and another one for my crazy situation and how it develops.

That way I can control who I share either with. I am not sure I want my children to ever see this blog. But I am sure as hell that I want them to read the story of what I had been through once they are big enough.

So if you want a link to the other blog, and I have not sent it to you in an email or otherwise already, ping me – by any means of contact you may have with me – including a comment to this post.