You are not a robot, you are a human. People hurt when they fail, it’s part of the package deal with emotions. And no, understanding of other side’s failure doesn’t make it hurt less. It’s your grief over something that you wanted and didn’t get. Something good and promising that honestly could have gained you and him a good share of joy and happiness. It didn’t work out though. As banal as it sounds, shit happens.
You both overestimated your readiness – and you both failed. He didn’t want it badly enough to make it into his schedule, you weren’t strong enough to keep your calm and work on it despite awareness of his issue. You started losing it and he started walking away, or maybe it was in the opposite order, instead of staying put and letting him go, trying yet again to lure him in, you went after him, telling him things he already knew, mentally slapping him – predictably, he just kept walking away.
Grow some patience girl – that will be the lesson from this one. Not passive patience – not where you just sit around bored and lazy doing nothing and waiting for his move (his like in some other guy’s) – but learn how to switch. How to turn off the longing. You almost got there this time around. Almost. But you underestimated the complexity of this case and overestimated your chances. Yes, you were too cocky and paid for it.
So take the advice from your other blog’s header – and Live. Love. Repeat. But also add Grieve and Learn between Love and Repeat if I were you. Or else you’ll keep walking in circles. Life is a cruel teacher.
For now just let yourself grieve.