Dealing with my internal director

I AM a control freak! Whenever something goes different than I imagined it to develop, my immediate reaction is to jump in and fix it. No flexibility at all! When for some reason I am not in control of fixing, I freak out. WTF!!! It takes me whole lots of effort to just let go, not freak out and let it go.

I’m like a director who holds a script of her own life in her hands and yells at actors every time they don’t follow it. The only problem is that in relationships, the other party is a director too and they have their own script. I keep forgetting this, it’s one of my problems.

Like in today’s example – the guy went for a conference in the city, I was envisioning lots of messaging in the evenings as he’ll be by himself and not distracted – so when it didn’t happen, moreover, I hardly heard from him yesterday (went out for drinks with a buddy and only messaged me once) as well as haven’t heard from him so far today at all, it took me few hours to untangle the knot in my stomach and force myself into chilling again – what helped was assigning my voice of reason to someone I know – and trying to complain to them in my mind. I was reluctant to do so every time – because it IS silly! And no, it’s not that I am bored and don’t have anything to do – on the contrary – the knot was getting in the way of my productivity big time. So I had to deal with it, and I did.

Another thing that helped was the logical approach I already used before – the yes-no chain – Should I message him? – NO – Loss of control on my side – no further discussion will make any use. What ifs will only drive me more anxious and crazy. End of story. If he doesn’t message, that’s it. If he does, I’ll feel stupid about this whole drama central.


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