I’ll admit, things are pretty well on the right track. For now. (I always have to remember to add this one!). It’s the first time that I am not exactly falling, or diving into deeper feelings than just liking (not love yet, nope), but rather sliding into it, slowly sinking (although sinking might be a bad verb to use in the case, somewhat negative, but oh well).
And I like this new sensation of being in control of myself while recording an increasing level of fancy and attachment. I realise very well that so many things can go wrong and lead to a crush of the whole situation or at least to a cooldown. I also don’t idealise the guy at all, I see his shortcomings clearly (in my subjective opinion of course) – never happened before at this stage. And yet at the same time I know that I like what I see – and I like it more as time goes by. It’s soooo exciting – not to let the fiery, passionate stream that I feel inside to overthrow my mind and logics, but let them both work together – where mind takes over for the time where we aren’t together, and the passionate beast is out of the closet for the dates – but still leashed and guided by the mind too – the latter turned out to be somewhat shy too, surprisingly so, or it may be JM’s influence on me – but OMG, I am a confident chatterbox on the outside, but a fidgety blushing mess on the inside. Whatever comes out of it, it’s a very interesting experience for sure. A very fun one too!
At the same time I somehow managed to tune to his wave – I don’t have to always guess what’s up with him – I can clearly see the dynamics – and they’re positive as well (for now, yes). It’s fascinating to watch a tightly shut clam as it slowly opens up, giving way to a sensitive and quite passionate person inside. It makes me feel happy for him, really, the guy’s a kind and good person, he totally needs some fun, and I feel excited to be part of making it happen. (Part of it, yes, not at the centre of it at all, he is in there, where he was able to realise things weren’t well with his life and to take steps to try and change it – this one is actually admirable on its own).