This last week has seen a few first times for myself. I had two first kisses in one week for one. I also bought condoms for the first time in my life. At first I felt like a mix of criminal and schoolgirl. I AM weird!
So the two candidates I wrote about before – the flowers guy – the oh-so sweet, romantic, smart, witty, funny, cute and caring – we’ve gone out on three dates, one of them was that lengthy walk and piknik – and voila – he’s going off the list. There’s no spark on my side. Nill. Zero. It’s a bummer, really, but oh well. And he’s the worst kisser of all I’ve experienced. Didn’t help his case either. He also sort of hinted at taking turns in paying on dates – so I did the last time, and he went on a cocky way of handling it – telling me how he didn’t mind it at all and how the waitress who was clearly uncomfortable about it must have been new or something. I felt like I’ve been forced into something I didn’t want to do.
The whole story with this guy proved to me how that relationship theory I’ve been reading on that other blog was soooo right. One should approach dating in proactive way, but stay within their boundaries at the same time. It’s tricky – being neither passive (which leads to cooling off the entire thing) nor aggressive – which in turn causes a defensive reaction – annoyance, anger and disappointment. To become proactive you need to develop empathy – shift your focus of attention from yourself to the dating partner. Well, don’t we always do this in dating? – one may retort. Not really. At first we are weighing the potential partner from the standpoint of “Do I like him/her? Does this have a chance to develop?” – and so on. Once these are answered with a yes, we begin the game of trying to get them to like us – but in an aggressive way – like in: Look! I have this and that to offer! Here! Take that! Now that’s agressive. We don’t stop to ask ourselves – do they want what we are trying to give them right now? One doesn’t dump a shitload of snow in someone’s frontyard in the middle of winter and expects gratitude. Same idea.
The right way as it’s explained in that blog as I understand it (and am currently trying to apply) is to realise that my task is to at first figure out whether the other side likes me (and look for surefire signs of interest, not make them up where there are none!), and then try to get them to like me more. To do so, is like I said above, only takes one thing – getting to understand their needs, their character and their habits and try to show to them that you can satisfy the first ones and respect the latter two. It’s not that hard, really. Especially with guys, lol!
What about my own interests and needs etc.? Well, that’s for them to take care of. If they don’t listen in with their internal ear so to say, they’ll either become passive – sit back and enjoy the show you’re putting up for them – and you’ll just leave the stage at that point as you get bored by the arrangement; or else they’ll become aggressive – and will run for the snow showel, which again, will make you run away
Now since I got carried away with all this um relationship cookbook yet again, I’ll leave the second guy story for another post – all I can say, hell, there’s chemistry on my side and the guy is an amazing kisser! (He said so was I, and I’ve heard it few times before, so I guess he’s not lying). And OMG! Those light GREEN eyes! ❤ So far, only dark blue eyes had that effect on me!