I Am fucked up!

I don’t feel entirely comfortable when a guy is well courting me for the lack of a better word in my limited romance vocabulary. I have to literally reflect on the sense of uneasiness and at time suspiciousness whenever a guy shows signs of romantic interest in me. I guess I am so used to be the one who chases the guys that it comes across as unusual. And anything unusual puts us on guard, right?

Thankfully I can reason with myself and tell myself to calm the fuck down and not freak out. My guess is that this way is the normal way of dating. I just haven’t experienced much of it in my life (except for early teenage years, but I’d always run away from guys like these). As my girlfriend has once put it rightly, for whatever reason I tend to shun from the guys who react to me in this way. I am attracted to guys who I feel need some persuasion or conquering. Part of it must be because of lack of sport in easy prey arrangement. Also, a classic literature writer of my country of origin once said, “The less we love her when we woo her, the more we draw a woman in” – not sure about my country women, but it is certainly very true about me!

I’ll give a try to the “normal” way this time around. What if it works out? If not, then too bad, so sad, but at least I’ll be able to say that I have tried!


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