Relationships are like trips – at some point two people board the same bus or train, ride together, but neither knows how many stops they’ll travel together, some stories end at the next stop, others may last for a few stops, and it may just so happen that some people will never find someone to go to the final destination together. So a wise thing is to enjoy the ride and not try to guess how many stops this one will last for.
In all my encounters in my dating history the GG guy has taught me this lesson the best – if there are pattern interrupts on the other side (like no messages or calls for example), don’t fret and ping them constantly. It only creates annoyance and reluctance to talk to you at all. It’s aggressive and disrespectful.
I’m not saying you can’t feel disappointed and sad about it at all. That’s wrong too – you’ll cool yourself pretty quickly if you disallow these emotions to yourself. But at the same time, distract yourself. It’s amazing how much our will is capable of if we let it!
Except for realisation that I don’t want to be disrespectful, another thing that helps me relax somewhat is seeing the big picture – whichever way things eventually go, this episode will be unimportant few months from now altogether. That and booze! 😛
I might as well write this story down now – as it’s at a stage where I am not scared to just waste my breath anymore, so to say.
Also I feel safe from dicksands at the moment. Thanks to my girlfriends, some exposure to other guys’ reaction to me, as well as the self-digging I’ve been doing over the last six months or so.
A short refresher – he saw me on Match, found me on Facebook and invited to connect, I accepted thinking he may be a friend of a friend or not really thinking.
I’m not sure if local gals have this problem, or many gals from my contry of origin for that matter either, but I somehow grew up with the idea that a gal ain’t supposed to voice her interest in a guy. She can flirt with gestures, hints or reply to his advancements. But keeping it cool is the rule of thumb. Somehow. Which makes me who is usually quite (fine, somewhat overboard) social tongue-tied on the dating arena.
I either would return compliments with thank-yous and such or just blush and change the subject. I never thought of returning compliments! I know, duh! Which ended up in a dual loss for me – the guys probably felt like I wasn’t interested that much (far be it from me to pretend to understand them at all) whereas I was inflaming my own interest for the person immensely – bottled up stuff tends to have that effect. It’d brew on the inside and not show up on the surface much.
Now I’m trying real hard to quit this nonsense. So far I’ve pretty much reached a quite decent level in messages, but I yet have a long way to go in the face-to-face communication – where I cannot exactly make a pause and think how to respond. I guess it takes practice, like developing any other skill.
I have pinpointed yet another trait that leads tomy loss of balance. Lack of patience. I’ve always been passionate about any undertaking I got into. Once my goal was set, I was like a pitbull or a bull, I charged towards it trying to crush anything that got in my way.
It’s not necessarily a bad quality, mind you, I can reach my goals where 0thers would have had given up. But it comes at a price. Like anything in life. My price is sucking at dealing with delays and changes in my plans, as well as admitting things have gone wrong. It makes me feel annoyed, angry,in denial and out of control. My focus becomes a tiny dot, I can’t see the big picture anymore.
So now I’ll learfn to do just that – shake off the obsession, let life take over and be my guide. I have time , if my wishes and my plans don’t get fulfilled the way I want them to, it doesn’t mean they will fail. They might just get deferred or altered. Not a big deal.
This last week has seen a few first times for myself. I had two first kisses in one week for one. I also bought condoms for the first time in my life. At first I felt like a mix of criminal and schoolgirl. I AM weird!
So the two candidates I wrote about before – the flowers guy – the oh-so sweet, romantic, smart, witty, funny, cute and caring – we’ve gone out on three dates, one of them was that lengthy walk and piknik – and voila – he’s going off the list. There’s no spark on my side. Nill. Zero. It’s a bummer, really, but oh well. And he’s the worst kisser of all I’ve experienced. Didn’t help his case either. He also sort of hinted at taking turns in paying on dates – so I did the last time, and he went on a cocky way of handling it – telling me how he didn’t mind it at all and how the waitress who was clearly uncomfortable about it must have been new or something. I felt like I’ve been forced into something I didn’t want to do.
So the ever messaging JM guy who never suggests getting together again was back on air this evening. With messaging. Yeah, penpal number whatever. Apoligised for not messaging for a few days – kids and ex issues. Whateva. I don’t care about excuses anymore.
At some point he complained he wasn’t sure what to do – either go to sleep or just hang around as he didn’t feel like sleeping. Dull, I know. So I suggested he should have a beer. I said it was my solution in many cases and that I’d have one myself if I had some at home.
He said he had beer alright and sent me a picture of it. We’ve also been discussing national animals, the beaver was mentioned and that’s how I learned the animal had a different urban meaning. Who would have known that Canadian national animal was vagina!
Anyhow, I got so mad at him trying to tease me with a beer pic, I decided to go on a full-blown path of revenge- and sent him a recent selfie of myself – I have never made any half-naked selfies before (I am covering my boobs in it with my arm though). Or sent them to anyone (but two girlfriends, to compare fitness achievements and yes, to brag a bit). Guess what? All of a sudden the guy wants to know when I am leaving for vacation and tells me he definitely wants to see me before I went. Must be my bright personality showing in the picture! 😀
I let this one slide – he’ll have to be more persistent in asking me out after a month of negligence. He also got assigned number 2 on my list recently. Too bad so sad. >:)
PS I wonder if this post gets reposted by that shallowthinking blogger.
I don’t feel entirely comfortable when a guy is well courting me for the lack of a better word in my limited romance vocabulary. I have to literally reflect on the sense of uneasiness and at time suspiciousness whenever a guy shows signs of romantic interest in me. I guess I am so used to be the one who chases the guys that it comes across as unusual. And anything unusual puts us on guard, right?
Thankfully I can reason with myself and tell myself to calm the fuck down and not freak out. My guess is that this way is the normal way of dating. I just haven’t experienced much of it in my life (except for early teenage years, but I’d always run away from guys like these). As my girlfriend has once put it rightly, for whatever reason I tend to shun from the guys who react to me in this way. I am attracted to guys who I feel need some persuasion or conquering. Part of it must be because of lack of sport in easy prey arrangement. Also, a classic literature writer of my country of origin once said, “The less we love her when we woo her, the more we draw a woman in” – not sure about my country women, but it is certainly very true about me!
I’ll give a try to the “normal” way this time around. What if it works out? If not, then too bad, so sad, but at least I’ll be able to say that I have tried!
Like I said in my last post, I am back on dating scene. I’ve also mentioned this guy from Match who was an interesting conversation partner. So we went out on a first date for a breakfast last Thursday. That’s right, a breakfast on a workday. I thought it was odd but original. Also provided for a perfect excuse to leave soon if things went wrong – work!
It did go well however, I turned into the chatterbox again, but he didn’t mind, and I’ve also made up for it on the date two last night. It actually went so well he sent me flowers to the office on the same day. Which was a very nice gesture, they were no red roses so our advisory board at work issued a resolution that it wasn’t weird.
I am back on the dating scene. So far it’s been a bumpy road, but what the hell – the can’t make an omelet idea is as true for dating as it is for the rest of life.
I’ve been on a horrible date last Friday – the guy seemed a bit weird and somewhat boring for most of the evening, but he was an interesting conversation partner. So I cut him some slack. When I learned he had no car, no job right now and lived next street from G. though (and kind of hoped I’d give him a lift to his place at half past eleven at night to a town that is 20 minutes away), I backed out of it so fast you could almost hear the tapping of my soles when I ran.
I’ve also been asked to be a lingerie shopping buddy to someone – the guy enjoys wearing lingerie and high heels – not judging, but not exactly my type of dating material either.
There’s another guy who I have strong doubts about – sounds like all he’s looking for is some fun in the sun – he’s asked me out last night, suggesting we’d meet again later that night after he was done playing baseball – which would be after 11 pm. After all, I didn’t have the kids last night, he added. Right, and I am using all my child free nights to get laid by people I’ve never met.
Yet another candidate sounds interesting, but there are certain red flags about him – first of all, there’s quite a distance between us; secondly, he’s currently in a legal dispute with his ex and homeless for now (well, he lives with family), thirdly, his ex has the kids. So although we agreed to meet on Friday night, I am not sure I am going through with it yet.
The last but not least prospect is this guy from Match (the only guy from the site at this point). At first, I thought he was yet another sweet talker – all the romantic crap he tried hitting me with made me feel like I was being sugar coated from heel to toe big time. But then suddenly he turned out to be this smart, witty and funny person, who knows his way with words and we’ve ended up messaging back and forth for the whole evening last night, went on until half past midnight actually, and I had a few good laughs in the process. Also had to google some words he was using – this hasn’t happened to me in a while.