Relationships are like trips – at some point two people board the same bus or train, ride together, but neither knows how many stops they’ll travel together, some stories end at the next stop, others may last for a few stops, and it may just so happen that some people will never find someone to go to the final destination together. So a wise thing is to enjoy the ride and not try to guess how many stops this one will last for.
In all my encounters in my dating history the GG guy has taught me this lesson the best – if there are pattern interrupts on the other side (like no messages or calls for example), don’t fret and ping them constantly. It only creates annoyance and reluctance to talk to you at all. It’s aggressive and disrespectful.
I’m not saying you can’t feel disappointed and sad about it at all. That’s wrong too – you’ll cool yourself pretty quickly if you disallow these emotions to yourself. But at the same time, distract yourself. It’s amazing how much our will is capable of if we let it!
Except for realisation that I don’t want to be disrespectful, another thing that helps me relax somewhat is seeing the big picture – whichever way things eventually go, this episode will be unimportant few months from now altogether. That and booze! 😛
I might as well write this story down now – as it’s at a stage where I am not scared to just waste my breath anymore, so to say.
Also I feel safe from dicksands at the moment. Thanks to my girlfriends, some exposure to other guys’ reaction to me, as well as the self-digging I’ve been doing over the last six months or so.
A short refresher – he saw me on Match, found me on Facebook and invited to connect, I accepted thinking he may be a friend of a friend or not really thinking.
I’m not sure if local gals have this problem, or many gals from my contry of origin for that matter either, but I somehow grew up with the idea that a gal ain’t supposed to voice her interest in a guy. She can flirt with gestures, hints or reply to his advancements. But keeping it cool is the rule of thumb. Somehow. Which makes me who is usually quite (fine, somewhat overboard) social tongue-tied on the dating arena.
I either would return compliments with thank-yous and such or just blush and change the subject. I never thought of returning compliments! I know, duh! Which ended up in a dual loss for me – the guys probably felt like I wasn’t interested that much (far be it from me to pretend to understand them at all) whereas I was inflaming my own interest for the person immensely – bottled up stuff tends to have that effect. It’d brew on the inside and not show up on the surface much.
Now I’m trying real hard to quit this nonsense. So far I’ve pretty much reached a quite decent level in messages, but I yet have a long way to go in the face-to-face communication – where I cannot exactly make a pause and think how to respond. I guess it takes practice, like developing any other skill.
I have pinpointed yet another trait that leads tomy loss of balance. Lack of patience. I’ve always been passionate about any undertaking I got into. Once my goal was set, I was like a pitbull or a bull, I charged towards it trying to crush anything that got in my way.
It’s not necessarily a bad quality, mind you, I can reach my goals where 0thers would have had given up. But it comes at a price. Like anything in life. My price is sucking at dealing with delays and changes in my plans, as well as admitting things have gone wrong. It makes me feel annoyed, angry,in denial and out of control. My focus becomes a tiny dot, I can’t see the big picture anymore.
So now I’ll learfn to do just that – shake off the obsession, let life take over and be my guide. I have time , if my wishes and my plans don’t get fulfilled the way I want them to, it doesn’t mean they will fail. They might just get deferred or altered. Not a big deal.
This last week has seen a few first times for myself. I had two first kisses in one week for one. I also bought condoms for the first time in my life. At first I felt like a mix of criminal and schoolgirl. I AM weird!
So the two candidates I wrote about before – the flowers guy – the oh-so sweet, romantic, smart, witty, funny, cute and caring – we’ve gone out on three dates, one of them was that lengthy walk and piknik – and voila – he’s going off the list. There’s no spark on my side. Nill. Zero. It’s a bummer, really, but oh well. And he’s the worst kisser of all I’ve experienced. Didn’t help his case either. He also sort of hinted at taking turns in paying on dates – so I did the last time, and he went on a cocky way of handling it – telling me how he didn’t mind it at all and how the waitress who was clearly uncomfortable about it must have been new or something. I felt like I’ve been forced into something I didn’t want to do.
So the ever messaging JM guy who never suggests getting together again was back on air this evening. With messaging. Yeah, penpal number whatever. Apoligised for not messaging for a few days – kids and ex issues. Whateva. I don’t care about excuses anymore.
At some point he complained he wasn’t sure what to do – either go to sleep or just hang around as he didn’t feel like sleeping. Dull, I know. So I suggested he should have a beer. I said it was my solution in many cases and that I’d have one myself if I had some at home.
He said he had beer alright and sent me a picture of it. We’ve also been discussing national animals, the beaver was mentioned and that’s how I learned the animal had a different urban meaning. Who would have known that Canadian national animal was vagina!
Anyhow, I got so mad at him trying to tease me with a beer pic, I decided to go on a full-blown path of revenge- and sent him a recent selfie of myself – I have never made any half-naked selfies before (I am covering my boobs in it with my arm though). Or sent them to anyone (but two girlfriends, to compare fitness achievements and yes, to brag a bit). Guess what? All of a sudden the guy wants to know when I am leaving for vacation and tells me he definitely wants to see me before I went. Must be my bright personality showing in the picture! 😀
I let this one slide – he’ll have to be more persistent in asking me out after a month of negligence. He also got assigned number 2 on my list recently. Too bad so sad. >:)
PS I wonder if this post gets reposted by that shallowthinking blogger.