As I’ve stated earlier, one of my major issues in dating is that I am too fast to turn on my illusions generator when I meet a guy. A common problem I guess. Or so it seems.
After some more consideration, here’s what I’m currently doing to overcome the issue:
- No overthinking. Nill. Zero. If I feel bored or find spare time and am tempted to think about a guy, I stop in my mental tracks and either do something else or think about other stuff – turns out it’s easier than I thought it would!
- No getting mad at a guy for doing something “wrong” or not doing something either. He doesn’t message “enough”/ask you out/…? Too bad, he doesn’t feel the urge then, move on! I cannot make someone else do something or stop doing something. Why spend time and energy getting upset about it? All I can do is try and behave in a way that will make him want to do things I would like him to. But if that doesn’t fly, so be it. Let it go. No regrets, no looking back and generating the what ifs.
- No turning the dating situation into a happy place where I can escape to from my real life problems. First of all, there are no escape places whatsoever. Secondly, one doesn’t really need those – resolving problems feels rewarding in the end. May be stressful in the process, but that’s a good kind of stress – you’re getting somewhere. Whereas sitting around and daydreaming of a romance as a cure for all your problems gets you nowhere but dicksands.
- A cemented realisation that I am the maker and breaker of both my own happiness and gloom. I shouldn’t be looking outside to make me happy or blame them for feeling miserable.