So we were sleepless this fair summer Wednesday night, which we both will regret come Thursday, but what the hell!
To somehow entertain us during this insomnia ordeal, I was choosing between a bath which also entails the hideous leg shaving and going back to our sweet lil blog and trying to figure out the approximate moment when things went south with G. (Disclaimer for the Dear Reader: I am no longer obsessed with the guy, I am trying to analyse my mistakes to prevent them from happening in the future).
Sorry I got distracted. We are in finance – so we’re pretty good with numbers (or so you’d hope!). Here’s a number for ya – 260! Two-hundred-and-sixty! This is how many posts you wrote over the six months of seeing the guy. Hey, did you even have time to actually see him? Cuz this is an average (don’t we love our numbers!) of 1.4 posts a day. You wrote on the subject more than once every day! Guess what my reaction was – and if you think I thought it was cute, I’ll friggin smack you!
Now, Darling, here is something for you to remember – quit trying to build a sparkly pink castle on a cloud and ride a unicorn on a rainbow to get there every time you meet someone! I know, last year has been quite a handful for us, hell, call it three for good measure! But a relationship ain’t no escape! There’s no escape from real life – except for that castle thing in your head! Or substance abuse. Or suicide. Awww, look at me, all cheery and happy this early Thursday morning! *stabs the unicorn*
And like any escape route, the castle thing has a price tag attached to it. When the whole thing that only existed in your head starts to fall apart and eventually shatters, it hurts like fuck. The only person to blame is you princess!
So again, take that cardboard diadem off, get the hell off that unicorn *stabs the unicorn again*, and let’s tackle the Real Life! You used to have a firm grip on reality for the most of your life, now you decided you’d rather flee? Oh, you’re tired? And disappointed? And what else is on your self-pity list? Here, come over, I’ll hug you! NOT! I’ll give you a good slap and a kick and as I am on it, stab your unicorn again! Muahahaha!
Oh, and while we are on the quitting subject – cut out the crap with cigarettes and alcohol princess! For the money you waste on the shit that is ruining your health we could travel the world like there is no tomorrow! Or do whatever to make our Real Life more fun and fun in a good way, the fun that has no possible outcomes of cancer or whatnot. No hangovers in the morning either! I love our body, get your hands off the shit that WILL ruin it (haha! nice try typing “may”, but I’m not finished here Darling!)
Now I lost my steam, but you’ll be hearing more from me – that I can promise Sweetheart! Now get your ass out of this chair and go do the bath thing! Cuz I said so!!!
PS. We’ve started using the term “unicorn poop” at work instead of “shit”. So here’s a picture for you and your castle issue:
Your Internal Parent