And some more self-digging

This huge imbalance I seem to get into every time I start seeing someone has been bugging me big time. So I tried looking at it from all possible angles. Explanation of how I had a traumatic experience with my ex in the past was not convincing – I don’t believe a single episode that I had hard time remembering can affect one’s mind this strongly for this long.

So I kept digging. And I discovered an amazing thing – I wasn’t accepting myself. I mean, I couldn’t love myself unconditionally. Just for being me. I always had to deserve my own fancy, respect and any other warm feelings. Being me wasn’t good enough. And all those flaws, ugh! One needs to try harder to beat them all!

From that I figured there was no way a guy would really like me for who I was – they had to be after certain things a gal can provide, once they got it, certainly, they’d move on. That’s what made me this insecure I guess.

Now I have changed my attitude to me – I like me! A lot. Yes, I am not ideal, yes, there are flaws and a list of things that could be improved, no doubt. But at the same time I have achieved lots of things too. I managed to exterminate certain traits of my character that were not great. I also got a decent career, I am honest, loyal, and faithful and many more things that make me a good partner. I am also quite easy going, fun and understanding. I have my hobbies, so no neediness. I have kids, so I am under no pressure in that aspect either. I have nowhere to rush at all! And I am not high maintenance either (no matter what that lazy ass G. might have thought).

All in all, I ❤ me


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