Dating – part two – the exchange mechanism and some rules

For this part I’ll drop the shopping analogy.

Once the dating begins, you need to remember one thing about Sunday date, on few occasions he said how he believed I was what he needed. Oh, really?! Well, I am what many people may find attractive, if you believe that stating this flatters me, you’re so wrong! A gal with low self-esteem might buy into this. One with a healthy one gets irritated by your arrogance. Show me what you got that makes you a good match for me! I’ll show you what I have. If we both feel we like what we see, we’ll get together again.

In process of selling, have some empathy – try to see what the guy is trying to get, what his needs are like and from the pool of your assets show him the ones that will satisfy his needs. We are all multi-level, but if a guy tells you he prefers quiet secluded destinations for his vacations, don’t tell him that story of how you had a blast on a vacay in a noisy city where you partied all night long.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the whole relationship is dynamic. It helps A LOT! If a guy was all over you one day, the fact he isn’t another day means exactly that – he doesn’t feel like that today. “There’s nothing more constant than change.” No coming up with explanations for the change or drama of “but he said/showed/acted in a way that showed his fancy!”  – that’s a sure way into illusions. He takes a step back, you take a step back and vice versa. You can send pings – checking if he may have changed his mind, but if there is no response or the response isn’t as strong as your ping, step back and keep silent and move on to the next candidate.

A guy who shows interest is always better than the one that doesn’t. Knocking, ramming or sitting at closed doors gains nothing but more illusion generation. The longer you’re at the doors, the more value you generate in your mind for the guy behind them. Have some self-respect.

Respond with enthusiasm to his pings – even if you’re not entirely sure you like the guy enough to respond in the same way. If you’re certain you don’t like him at all, cut it loose. It’s only fair to him.

No guilt pangs – when you feel that you’ve changed your mind, want to back up or quit it altogether, don’t feel bad. Like I said earlier, relationships are dynamic – you are in your right to change your mind at any point. Whatever the reason – you met someone you like better, you learned something about the guy that made you reconsider seeing him, whatever! You get ditched, you ditch others. It’s part of the process. Can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. His feelings and reactions about the breakup are not your responsibility or fault.

Don’t drop all other stuff in your life and concentrate entirely on dating – whatever we spend our time and energy on, becomes very important to us, which leads to obsession. No one likes to be at the centre of someone else’s life unless they’re your kids – they feel suffocated by either your constant attention or your strained expectations of getting attention from them. Get a life! Don’t drop it all for someone. They don’t want your sacrifice, cause you’ll be expecting or hoping for the same from them. No person with an enriching life is willing to give it all up for anything.


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