I’ve realised I hadn’t written anything about my date on Saturday. That’s probably because I didn’t put much hope in it.
First of all, the guy found me on Facebook – he saw my profile on Match, but had no account and didn’t want to start one – so he did some searching by clues I had in my profile and invited me to connect on Facebook. Once I’ve accepted (I rarely accept invites from people I don’t know, but in this case I just did), he messaged me telling me how he found me, some things about himself as well as suggesting we get together for a coffee if I was up for that. I accepted.
Secondly, he said in his message that he was fresh out of marriage, so he wasn’t sure he was ready for a relationship yet. Which I interpreted as “Great, yet another guy looking for just fun”. The last year has made me quite sceptical, I know. Rightly so too.
So we said we’d meet over the weekend at some point. He messaged me on Friday suggesting we make it a lunch if I didn’t mind and asking if Saturday would work. I said sure to both. I was picking the place.
Being quite exhausted by the Friday night date (I can only be non-stop entertaining every so often), I didn’t perform at my best – couldn’t come up with topics as quickly as I usually do, or be the crazy talkative joker either. The guy is somewhat quiet – but not to the point of where one wants to grab them and give them a good shake. We had a few funny moments, where we would say the same thing together, or find things we had in common in a funny way. Whenever there was silence, I just pretended I was nervous – fidgeting with my coffee, smiling to myself or staring at the TV for some time. Seems like it worked, I never thought highly of my acting abilities, but I guess the spectator was not experienced enough to be able to know better.
We’ve been messaging ever since, he was asking me hands-on questions about separation procedure (he’s currently in the midst of it), turned out we have another thing in common – we both initiated our separations, where objectively there was no huge dramatic reason to trigger it – cheating or some other “strong” stuff.
With all my skepticism I was quite suspicious about the guy from the beginning – again, my dating experience as well as talking to my girlfriends teaches me how House MD was so right stating “Everybody lies”. If you make a ranking of liars, divorced guys will probably be very close to the top with “Why I got separated” being their lying subject of expertise. I can pretty much hear how my ex presents a story of my betrayal to anyone who is willing to listen. But the more I talk to him, the more I get the feeling that he is quite sincere.
He isn’t playing, my BS sensor has always been decent, and it’s now at its best, what with the amount of BS I’ve been receiving over the last year. He isn’t trying to come up with some character that ladies will like and then play it. He says things that would be considered faux pas in the dating art world, but at the same time talking to someone who’s not playing the pretense game is quite refreshing.
Seems like guys who are fresh out of wedlock are more sincere and with time they grow those BS characters that are all but annoying.
I’d say intuitively this guy belongs in the same group as the Dutch Buddy, S. guy (not S2, just S.) and oddly enough my pen pal, the hockey coach. They all have that feel of being real that my other dating partners lacked. Even G. – he had sort of second bottom to him I could feel from the beginning, that I found attractive in his case – felt challenged to figure it out. And look where it took me. Curiosity killed the cat!