Like I said in an earlier post, I suspected that the guy I went out with on Friday night was yet another sweet talker. Or let’s rather stick with the same terminology – a fisherman. Now I am pretty much sure he was one. Especially when compared to the guy from the date on Saturday.
Fishermen are guys who get trained in art of dating (hell, I need to find and attend that course, that would be hilarious – real spying – wear fake moustache and a wig maybe and go!). I am not sure they’re the same as PUA’s (pick up artists), as the latter seem to be using a somewhat different technique by the sound of it (I did my research), but there are some similarities too.
Until I find these courses, here is a list of signs that a guy has been trained (based on my encounters with the graduates):
- Overall feeling of fakeness – it’s “too good, too smooth to be true”. A first date has to have some moments of awkwardness or rough spots so to say by definition. Even if both parties are absolute extroverts with ideal speaking skills, still, when you put two strangers together in a stressful situation where they both need to present themselves as well as learn as much as possible about the other party, it’s awkward. There may be exceptions I guess, but I have to yet meet one – where a guy is sincere and honest and a great first dater at the same time.
- Discrepancies aka slips – these are things that enforce the first item –the last sample pretended to be new to dating, but then he “guessed” what DTF stood for (would you?); or how he again “guessed” my full name by what I said in my profile, but I only provided hints at my last name – meaning, he googled me, found my profile on Facebook, but wouldn’t admit to it even when asked directly. Another one was where he stated to be somewhat shy and considerate, but in reality was making very funny comments under his breath (I caught some of those) and let his hands wander somewhat (see below).
- The guy is trying to create an image of the perfect guy that he is – he says things and acts to make an impression of being soooo considerate, caring, reliable, fun loving, somewhat nervous and shy etc. For example, the last sample asked me if I were nervous, when I said I wasn’t, he said he was. How he hasn’t done dating in a while. He had a teenage daughter, he said, he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or threatened on a date. Even showed me pics of his kids. When you thank them for being, say, understanding, they reply with something like, well, that’s just a part of who I am…
- The oh so flattering and heavily favourite comparison of you to your competitors on the dating scene – the last sample said how many ladies would be sending out inappropriate pics from get going, whereas he could tell I was classy. I wasn’t asking how his dating experience been this far, so no reason to talk about others and how they were, right?
- The thread of: “If this works out, you may not have to go back to Match ever again” – inviting himself to vacationing with me etc. That’s a small one, but still, one of those that send a message of “I am sooooo interested!”.
- The touching – ugh, whoever wrote that manual should revise this part of it big time – “accidental” touches – to the shoulder, hand, the last case even went on to grab my hand and walk with me holding it until I asked to have it back – these are only annoying. I understand the intention – a calculated intrusion into other’s boundaries, creating a feeling of intimacy – but the tool’s so wrong! My security systems kick in with a loud siren of Trespasser on board!
I guess the more I date, the more cynical I become. I wouldn’t call it overboard suspicious, just cautious and my intuition is now tuned way better to recognise BS whenever it senses it. I am also getting better at listening to this little helper of mine.
Also, as a disclaimer I guess – some of the above listed things or even combinations thereof may still mean nothing, a guy may just be a great talker, but if your intuition says something’s amiss, most likely it’s right.
I also just learned that my Match subscription got extended for the next three months over a week ago. Grr! I so wanted to take a break, oh well, I’ll just be taking it even slower going forward, and after all, it’s not the first $100 that I lose.