With my tattoo appointment a week away I want to try and summarise the whole idea of why I am getting it. (Here is a pic of what I’m getting – not yet sure where – on my spine underneath my neck or on my upper arm)
The whole idea of getting a tattoo started soon after I had my kids I guess. I wanted to do something to have them with me, something that reminded me of them, it sounds silly I guess, like one needs to be reminded of their kids, but I am not sure how to phrase it better. It’s like they’re a part of me that is totally separate from me and that is whole on its own but still a piece of a puzzle that makes me who I am.
When I initially thought of a tattoo, I thought of just getting their initials, some pretty entwined E and H. But then it would be a Canadian EH or else some HE. Neither was getting me what I wanted to, a symbol.
That’s when I thought of making it a real symbol and that when the idea of Yin Yang symbol first came to my mind – it’s male and female equal parts of something whole interpretation. Sure, my kids are two different people, but they also are twins! What would be a better symbol for them? Also, in my mind they are different, but at the same time they are part of the same. Together they make me a mother, they teach me, they lead me, they challenge me and they are both objects of this enormous feeling of motherly love. It’s hard to express in words, really, the way I feel about their separation-but-unity in my mind.
Recently I have also started my self-digging journey I really hope to continue for as long as I live. And what I felt I lacked, I needed the most, were two things – integrity and balance. Now, back to what Yin Yang symbolises – balance, integrity, interdependency of everything in this world.
Another thing that I discovered reading on the symbol is that it is also about how there is no light where there is no shadow, how once something becomes absolute, at the same very moment it becomes at the closest to its opposite than it ever has been before. Again, I am very tongue tied in expressing my philosophical ideas, I rather feel them, but this whole notion is very close to my own inner philosophy.
And the last – and not a very significant part of the whole idea is to demonstrate my badass side. I love her and cherish her just like any other part of me, the others are easier to express without getting self-destructive – this side is the most dangerous of them all, the reckless, the restless, the daring and the careless… But at the same time without her I wouldn’t have moved to another side of the world, I wouldn’t have had the adventurous spirit to me, the bravery and the strength, determination and impulsivity that when in check are really great things that turn me into who I am.