Thanks to reading the psychology blog on relationship I feel that my focus has changed. Previously my attention was on trying my best to somehow demonstrate to a guy how great I was. An egoistic and insecure approach, an attempt at a forced sale so to say. I didn’t really ask myself, what the guy was looking for, I’d pick up some worded wishes and start proving that I could fulfill them. Wrong!
Now I think more in terms of what a guy wants, like for example I just realized that the hockey coach has this urge to teach me about local culture and stuff he’s encountered. Like when I said I was considering switching my career and trying to join the police, he got really wordy and told me the negatives of the path, adding in the end he wasn’t trying to discourage me. Which he so was. Lol.
Before I’d try my best to demonstrate I was already knowledgeable in the subjects we were discussing, aiming at getting his respect. Now I realize that it would either be interpreted as me trying to show off (which is true), or otherwise me trying to challenge his expertise. Not a good strategy either way.
Now I am aiming at being an expert wherever I am given the opportunity to, and play an impressed and willing student in the areas the guy feels he’s great at. Not saying it guarantees success, nothing does, yet another revelation for me, but it sounds like something my mom used to do a lot with my dad, and three decades of a marriage with a very difficult person is not something one can easily dismiss.
Also reminds me of the quote from some movie, Do you want to be right or nice?