All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players Shakespeare
I guess I need to start a filing system for guys. My memory isn’t good enough to begin with and with all that’s going on I’ll soon lose the last shreds of it that I have.
But first things first – I guess I am on the path of improving my dating skills! Yay me! I realise there is a long way ahead to reach not even perfection, fluency I guess, but I am now decent as opposed to sucking at it. Quite a leap!
So what changed? I am becoming an active player instead of sitting in the stadium and watching the game sipping beer and chewing on a hot-dog! And it feels grrreat!
Now I’ll try to analyse what I observe in dates:
There are several types of conversations that go on during a date and I’ll try to categorise them now:
- Small talk – pretty self-explanatory – things like discussing how one’s week/day has been, weather etc. Many bad players waste too much time on this mundane and dull part. It’s supposed to set the scene, be an opening act, and not be the play itself!
- Getting to know each other talk – discussing each other’s interests, hobby, family, preferences etc. This one is actually the true bonding I guess. That is, if you are looking for something serious, not just DTF (which is Internet slang for “down to fuck” – had to google it when asked if I was looking for it, lol). Can’t overkill it either. It’s too serious, kills the playful mood that makes dating fun. This one is in fact the plot of the play if you will. It is the ultimate goal of the game, to try and understand if the person is a good match for you.
- Luring talk – this one is what intrigues me the most at the time as the above belong more in the friends zone and I am quite good at it – while the lure talk (and behavior) I am a newbie at. I used to know how to play the game well in my late teenage years and in my early twenties, but then, becoming a boring hypocrite of a person for some time, I branded it “games”, called it fake and unfair and started avoiding it. Dumb, I know. It’s so much fun if nothing else! It’s the spice of dating. Without it dating becomes tediously boring. Too much spice, and you feel like you’re part of some farce, you end up with an impression you’ve set through a play that was totally hilarious but had no purpose to it. Now that I think of it, it’s so fun that some daters become addicted to the drive of it, turning into serial daters!
So here are the subcategories I came up with for it:
- Peacock talk – that’s where the guy shows off and demonstrates how great and worthy he is. Any achievement – be it in career, sports, hobbies or elsewhere are taken out of the vanity wardrobe and unfolded for the lady to review and get impressed. This one is not something that makes me freeze in admiration. Shania Twain’s song “That don’t impress me much” starts playing in my head whenever a guy gets to this talk (watch the clip below). I am trying really hard to suppress the urge to tease them at this point. Not a smart move to make.
- You are my dream partner/soulmate talk – that’s where the guy tries to create an illusion that he believes you to be a great match no, an ideal match for him (it’s sort of bogus bonding thing). One of the examples I heard quite often is “We seem to have so much in common!” (S2 guy from last night said it three or maybe even four times I believe). Others include, but aren’t limited to stating that certain quality/skill or even part of biography of the gal is exactly what he is looking for. Sometimes it is served as a comparison/on a contrast with others – example from last night, the guy said he was looking for someone with kids as he wanted the lady to know how to handle his own. Another one would be saying to a career gal that housewives aren’t something he’d ever be interested in. This one is my Achilles’s heel – my combination of low self-esteem, vanity and pride and my craving for closeness make me very vulnerable to this kind of talk. I am tempted to jump in and start proving, confirming, that yup, that’s exactly right, I am sooooo great for you! That’s what I did with S. and G. I guess – and completely and totally overkilled it in both cases. Dicksands!
- You are so awesome talk – that’s all kinds of compliments to the gal. You get to hear your intelligence/skills/looks being praised and admired. I guess my low self-esteem is the best defense for this one. I am not buying into it. I mean, I don’t doubt some of them may in fact be sincere, but they don’t leave the tiniest dent in my armor. I nailed trolling guys on this one like a pro – example from last night – S2 goes, you must have looked awesome in a red Jeep; my response, of course I did! No blushing and pretend embarrassment. I can totally play I am awesome part! I am also trying to restrain myself in it, I don’t want to come across as cocky. That’s where I add some making fun of myself to demonstrate that I don’t actually see myself as some deity.