I re-read our exchange from last night after I sobered up 😳
And I am quite proud of myself. I haven’t stood up for myself to him for a while, if at all. I realise that I look pitiful in the exchange, in most of it at least. But I haven’t retorted his BS before at all. I was all understanding and accepting. I.e. retarded and stupid! One cannot just take BS from others and say nothing. Silence means acceptance! Grrr! So mad at myself. However, this explains why I keep ending up with douchebags and jerks.
Another revelation – the guy actually found the winning combo to myself – Pity and Guilt. I was rereading his messages and he uses the Shitty Combo time after time after time! Pity – he needed to find himself, he needed to reconnect with friends, he had a bag of all kind of excuses for not being a good boyfriend material – which hit my pity centre – poor man, I so feel for him! Guilt – I was impatient, I was clingy, I was high maintenance – sending me on a guilt trip at the same time! OMG! I’m not saying he’s a genius, that would be um crazy lol – but he’s a natural for sure!
He also was kinda aggressive – those accusations and constant indignant stance – I only attacked once or twice – the redneck comment and ditching over phone in the very end – he was accusing me of shit during the whole exchange. No wonder my self-esteem took a nosedive after I spent almost six months with the guy! Whatever I did, I was the bad guy! I need to regroup and start analyzing actual exchanges with dudes more than my own feelings. I was egoistic before, looking inside of myself – now need to start concentrating on the guy, try to figure out what he’s all about, where’s he coming from and what’s he after…
Also need to start speaking Guyish – if one says he wants to take things slowly, RUN, bitch, all he wants is some fun in the sun! If a guy says he’ll never marry (again) – RUN, bitch, he’s got a commitment-phobia! Also need to learn to stand up for myself. Oh, you’re offended by my comment?! Get over it sissy, and beware, there’s more to come! 😡