Getting nervous

As the Saturday draws closer, the tension grows. I’ve been tossing and turning late into the night rehearsing the parting words for G.

I’ve also been harassing my poor girlfriends more than usual lately. I’m sorry ladies.

I’ve also drawn some conclusions on what I did wrong:

1. I accepted advances from the wrong guy.
2. I’ve started off with a wrong approach too – I made an exception for him, partly because he supported me in tough times, partly cuz he was buddies with the Dutch Buddy.
3. I’ve let my guard down too quickly, thus welcoming an unbalanced relationship.
4. When I caught him at a lie, I let it go pretending nothing happened.
5. I fell into this too quickly, making him the King of the Hill. He neither deserved nor was seeking the title.
6. Once things sped up in the downhill direction, I panicked and just let it slide further, instead of putting my foot down and stopping it in its tracks.
7. I was trying to keep my illusions afloat at whatever cost.

Here are my goodbye words:

I think you are a smart, caring, funny, witty and attractive man. I fell in love with you some time back. Last time we met you told me you didn’t love me nor wanted to develop our relationship anywhere further. I’m sorry I have been unstable, needy and clingy; and came up with bunch of illusions about what we had, I shouldn’t have had. But I realise I cannot accept the fuck buddies arrangement either, it hurts too badly to realise that you don’t feel about me the way I do about you. Goodbye.

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