Dutch Buddy

The guy upset me big time last Friday. I asked him how he was in the afternoon, drinking with G. was his response. I replied with an Ouch, Enjoy. Had few beers after that and messaged him saying thank you for spoiling my Friday night. He asked why. I said mentioning G. didn’t exactly lift my spirits. Then he called me, apologized, promised not to mention G. to me again and we chatted for awhile, he said the right guy’s out there, I just need to wait for him and enjoy my life while I am waiting. And that’s pretty much my game plan for now. We also talked about getting together again, even set a date and place, the Friday a week from now, but I am not getting hopeful on this one. The guy is the king of ditching.

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Men are weird

So the Sweet Talker is back. First he asked for a second chance, when I ignored it he asked if we could be texting buddies. I said we could try the latter.

The other guy I was supposed to be going out this weekend is gone for good. We first agreed to meet on Friday, then he claimed his kids had a concert at school and asked to reschedule for Saturday. I accepted. I texted him Friday night how the concert was going, he replied with a what concert. LMAO. Just to test him I responded, I thought his kids had a concert that night. Sure, he said, he was in it that very moment. Is there STUPID sign somewhere on my profile?

Then there’s this other guy I’ve been messaging back and forth with for the last week. He said he was moving this weekend, but then when I went on Match, there he was online.

A third guy claimed to be running to a birthday party and was online later that night too.

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My updates

The Sweet Talker is back, asking me to give him another chance. Awww. How sweet. Still no.

The colleague guy I found jerky and somewhat shallow is back as well. And I don’t find him that annoying anymore actually. Not saying he’s amazing or anything, just that he’s OK. And he’s going through some rough times with his family, health related. That’s why he’s been so patchy about messaging with me. So I’ll keep him for now.

Another thing I found wondrous – it’s been just over two weeks since G. broke up with me. But I hardly hurt over it anymore. And I didn’t nearly as much as I expected I would. I mean, seeing or hearing his name or something that brings back memory of him will still make my heart skip a beat now and then, but nothing more.

Part of it is because of how infrequent our dates were – something positive out of it at least. But part of it is because I started to get disappointed in him by the time of the breakup. It wasn’t at a level where I was ready to admit it, not even to myself, but I was noticing signs of him not being what I imagined him to be – maybe those were evidence of my madness losing its intensity, doesn’t matter, all I know is that I didn’t think as highly and admiring as I used to at the height of of my obsession.

Dating chronicles – keep it going

I decided to try and take the reins in my pretty hands. I’ve never searched on Match before. Just replied or ignored to messages that I received. Now I decided to be proactive and started winking at people. I think it’s a good tool for a gal. I don’t have to message anything, but I can draw someone’s attention to me. Perfect! So far one out of three winks messaged me back. Will see how it goes from there.

Dating chronicles

Guys are weird. I won’t be coming up with nicknames for the new batch I have in processing yet. But still want to record some funny things about it.

So the guy number one – we’ve called twice over the weekend, spent over an hour on the phone the second time around. The conversation was quite nice (except for the fact that he’s been doing most of the talking, which is not typical in my case). But some moments were kind of odd – for instance, he asked me how tall I was. I am not sure what my height is in imperial system, just metric. But I said what it approximately was in imperial, and yet he went to my profile to check. That’s odd, right? Also told me how he was getting hundreds of messages on Match. Made a compliment – that I was beautiful – and immediately asked if I blushed. Um, not really, man, I heard this one and more before. LOL!

Same guy suggested we get together someday. I said sure. I suggested a town that is midway between our locations. He accepted. Today he suggested a town that is way closer to his place though. Again, really? I said I’d still prefer the town halfway from my town. Screw that, I am not being convenient!

Another guy from Match – his profile said he was a professor at a university. Guess what he says in one of his first messages? Exactly that. Dude, do you think I cannot read or something? Or do you want to throw your importance into other people’s faces? Either way, no go!

Err on the side of caution

I’m back! In all my glory, lol.

I’ve been thinking some more (what else is there to do when stuck in a house with two sick kids for a weekend?) – And here’s what I came up with. Going forward I am going to be very cautious about my feelings and emotions. I’d rather lose a guy who doubts my sincerity than end up in another rabbit hole that my illusions and fantasies tend to send me into every time I start seeing someone.

I will also trust my intuition way more – if something seems fishy, it most likely is that way. I’ll be more outspoken – asking inconvenient questions, speaking up on my concerns. If somebody is not OK with that, too bad, so sad – plenty of fish out there! I am done being convenient. That’s my new resolution I guess. I ain’t no bitch, so growing an internal one may not be a good solution for my problems, but becoming more outspoken and well frank, that’s something that may help me big time!

You live you learn

My gratitude goes to the awesome Alanis Morissette for the title of this post.

Actually, this is awesome:

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I learned from the whole G. situation a number of things. But the most important is – I can do whatever I want! Thanks to my parents, my dear friends, my personality, my inner strength, I can take on anything, get up and move on. And I must strive for balance. I am unbalanced by my passion, I need to apply my strength to balance it out.

Another good lesson, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I am not. I can do whatever and if someone has issues with that, it’s their problem, not mine. I need to learn how to be self-sufficient. That will provide for an armor no one can break. My weakness was to voluntarily, willingly surrender controls to my happiness to somebody. No more!

 

The shitty combo

I re-read our exchange from last night after I sobered up 😳

And I am quite proud of myself. I haven’t stood up for myself to him for a while, if at all. I realise that I look pitiful in the exchange, in most of it at least. But I haven’t retorted his BS before at all. I was all understanding and accepting. I.e. retarded and stupid! One cannot just take BS from others and say nothing. Silence means acceptance! Grrr! So mad at myself. However, this explains why I keep ending up with douchebags and jerks.

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G. messaged me

Here’s our exchange tonight (my girlfriend passed on his DVD’s to him):

Hi, hope you watched them all. You could of kept them till you did.

I didn’t. I wanted it to be a clean cut. You pulled the plug. I accepted it.

I did but why? You can’t be a friend?

No. I can’t. Told you already. It hurts too much. Not being dramatic or playing games.

Well I will give E. your movies and stuff. Don’t know why we can’t in time. We were before. You are just on a different path as I. I have neglected so much this last 4yrs. Need to find myself again and reconnect.

Good luck with that. I’m not sure what path I’m on. I need to find myself too. Just thought this could work out. Silly me, I know.

Maybe you also rushed into things too quick. I noticed you blocked me from all FB contact. Tried to Msg you about how I felt. You are a wonderful girl and you deserve to be treated and loved that way. Something I will never probably do without a lot of time.

I did. I know that now. But the way you treated me lately made me feel unwanted. It hurt too much, honestly. I was clingy before, I am aware of this. But I’ve never been envious of a Newfie redneck before either. Oh well. I’ll eventually recover. I’m sure I will.

Newfie redneck? What’s that have to do with things? I don’t see the similarities. I treated you the same all the way through. You just wanted more. Told you from beginning. I will Never marry again. Can’t have any more kids. Won’t move in after a VERY long time.

Last discussion we had you pretty much told me you didn’t love me or would ever move in with me or would consider any in-between options. I haven’t hurt this much in a while, honestly. I thought I was giving you as much freedom as I could. And as much time as you needed. Clearly I was wrong. My bad.

Well I didn’t, I really loved the time we enjoyed together. That’s all. In time it could of been. You just wanted more. No offense you were clingy and high maintenance but I’ve dated just as much. Christ I married an Italian. You need to find some one who want the same as you. If you ever want to talk you know my #. Don’t like txting my feeling. Have a nice life.

I loved the time we were having together too. Just hoped for more cooperation from you, hence the clingy part I guess. I tried my best to accommodate your schedule and your desire to balance your family, friends and well us. May have been unbalanced at times at that, I admit. Hate to text my feelings too, except that you didn’t leave me much choice, what with ditching me over the phone and all.

Change of heart here

I am not returning on Match shortly. I am going to try out being single for now. I want to find myself, rediscover who I am and what I want; and then go back on dating scene. Otherwise I may be setting myself up for yet more failures.

I booked myself a vacation today – redneck style, I am going camping in July. I may even sleep in my minivan, won’t have to bother with the tent at all! Totally redneck style!