The talk last night

I’m not sure I want this to be in the open. But I need to write it down for myself.

I asked G. if he’d like to go away for a weekend sometime. He said he would.

Later on I said the I sometimes didn’t feel like I was in a real relationship. He asked me what I meant. I said that’s when people hang around together, go away on weekends, give each other gifts and do stuff like go to concerts.

He said we do things together, go out for dinners and movies, did pool once.

Continue reading “The talk last night”

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Dutch Buddy is not so neutral

So I messaged the DB last night about the boss situation. He called me. And we had a very interesting chat. For instance, he said he didn’t blame my boss for hitting on me. Said he didn’t think he’d be doing the same in his place. Laughed hard to my yeah, right comment. Commented that well, I was into older guys. Seemed to be pleasantly surprised to learn the guy was about his age. Also admitted that he still wanted that goodbye hug but said he realised it was his fault he still didn’t get it though.

And then he told me that the next Saturday and the last Saturday of the month were cancelled for production – commenting that G. and I can get together more this month. I thanked him and said I wasn’t sure we would. He again made the lone wolf comment. When I told him I caught G. on lies, he said so did he – white lies on few occasions. The whole conversation was quite odd. I guess he Is jealous. And he was sort of trying to reinforce me in my intend to ditch the guy. Interesting! And so much for the Switzerland thing! 😀

Oh, and G. called me while I was on call with the DB. I told him I had to go call G. back. I tried to do so two minutes after the missed call, got no answer – he messaged me right after the call that he was going to bed, so probably shut off the sound. But still, really?!! Can’t you wait for few minutes?!! Grrr.

Da boss

I may be wrong but my boss may be hitting on me! O_O He’s given me a share of hugs so far – and he recently asked me if I was OK with those. I said I didn’t mind. Today we were sitting in his office and I had to put my legs wide apart to fit them around his set of drawers. At some point he moved and his leg touched mine. He didn’t move it away. I didn’t move mine either. So we were sitting there for some time with our legs touching. Hmmmm…

Dating site chronicles

Dating can be a stressful experience, but it has its fun moments too.

So far I had two funny encounters on this new round of my attendance of dating site.

One was where I started a chat with this guy from a nearby town. Nothing deep, just discussing interests, who-does-what. And then he drops a bomb – tells me he’s been in bankruptcy for the last three years since his separation and that he’ll get out of it this September. And concludes that I can now dump him. Which I reply to with an “I probably will do exactly that!” – and that’s when he calls me material and bitches how so many ladies these days have dollar signs in their eyes. Really man?! Do you expect a gal to date you and pay for you or something? Too funny!

Another case was this guy I went on a date with few months back, we met at a different site. So he messages me with an “and we meet again”. Asking if I wanted to pick it up from where we left off. I replied that I wasn’t actually there to do a real thing, just to boost my self-esteem a bit. And there he got burnt big time – if I wanted occasional sex, says he, he’s so in! Which I replied to with a definitely no, just chatting and flirting. I wonder what may be going on in men’s heads to interpret “self-esteem boost” as “looking for occasional sex”?!! People are weird!

My developments

I’ve been swinging between a drama central approach of dumping G. telling him how much pain I was in and doing nothing.

The game plan for now is a. going back to dating site to improve my self-esteem (check!); b. telling G. on my next date that I don’t feel like I am in a real relationship. Where people hang around, get away together, give each other gifts and that kind of stuff. If in response I receive the schedule BS, I’ll remind him of the long weekends where I only got a night each time.

Seems like I reached my limits, interesting!

Funny things about last night

Whenever the Dutch Buddy is mentioned in our conversations with G., I keep learning more about his wife. As much as her existence is not admitted whenever I chat with DB! 😀

G. was surprised I knew about the concert he’s going to in April. So much so that he dropped the play it cool ball for few minutes and asked me how I knew about it. I just brushed it off with you know I’m a spy joke we’ve been having for awhile.

Another idea

So I’ve been thinking some more. If I ditch the guy in a week, what do I achieve? (Well, except for trying out a game of “ditch him, ignore him and see if he comes back accepting my conditions”).

Nufin, really. Just prove to myself that I’m quite impulsive. Yesterday I felt crazy love (also known as addiction), today I feel like ditching him. If that’s not a definition of impulsive, I dunno what is.

Continue reading “Another idea”

Point of no return

Once the illusions have evaporated, the truth is revealed. G. is just not that into me. I know, I suspected it before, but my own pride, my self-esteem would stand up for themselves and generate bunch of illusions to cover this truth.

Now my self-respect and self-preservation stepped in and said enough is enough. If he doesn’t love me, so be it. I’ll move on. Illusions are good as a short term remedy. But they hurt like hell when the reality pokes holes in them.

He called me last night, pretending nothing happened. At all. That’s when my self-respect went WTF?!!! Seriously man?!!!

My game plan for now is – if we meet this weekend, I’ll go. I may even pull myself together to not start any discussions this time around. I cannot ditch the guy the day before his best friend’s tenth death anniversary. I am not that cruel. However, come next week, if he doesn’t mention anything, I am going to dump him and walk away. Tell him again that I still love him but can’t go on like this any more.