My whole day went shitty after I came back to put it mildly.
So talking to a girlfriend I decided to have a serious conversation with G. A date from now. The only reason for deferral is my reluctance to spoil the New Year’s for myself.
I want him to know that I cannot go on like this. Yes, I’ll have to admit I love him. But exactly for this reason I cannot continue. I hurt a lot when I feel like I have to ask for dates, as if I’m the only one who needs it.
I’m frustrated and disappointed that there’s no enthusiasm on his side about us. Or I don’t feel it. To me it’s like he doesn’t really need a relationship as such, just a few bonuses that come with it. Whatever the reasoning, it doesn’t really matter, the end result, my ‘weird BS limbo stage’ of whatever we have, is all that is important to me now.