The cancellation yesterday

So we started messaging in the afternoon as usual. And then I mentioned something about the Saturday date. His response -he may have to cancel Sat. He’ll let me know. I asked if something was wrong. He went, no, this was the only weekend that his buddies from the city could get together.

And the old me would have gone – oh, I see. Sure. Or something like that. The new me however, is not putting up with something that felt like a blow into my stomach. So I said, cancelling just a day before ain’t that cool. But I’ll be fine, will come up with something. He replied that he was going to tell me that night. I went, sure, which leaves me a day to change my plans. I’m sorry I am upset. Working around schedules takes its toll on me. He then told me to enjoy my night out which I was going for. I said I’d try.

When I got home we had a talk. And I told him exactly how I felt – and still do – unwanted. Before I go into a bitching rant, one thing I really liked was that he knew we would be having the highly unpleasant conversation and still called. Didn’t chicken out on it.

He went all defensive – his typical response whenever he knows or feels he’s in the wrong. He said I shouldn’t feel that way, that we were seeing each other every week and he only sees these guys once in a blue moon. Said they were blood – i.e. the closest he had to family, and I was his girlfriend. And then I must admit. I sent a bait flying and he jumped on it. I went, and they couldn’t make it on any other weekend? Not until end of January. So, I went, you pretty much had to accommodate at my expense? That’s not how he saw it. I was having the weekend with the kids – he figured – so I could just spend time with them! OMFG! I went, thank you for deciding what I should be doing on my weekends for me. Again, that’s not what he meant.

At some point he again went about how he told me he wasn’t going to get married again or have kids or move in with somebody in any near future. Which I said I remembered and had accepted, so what did this had to do with our conversation, I couldn’t tell. Totally defensive crap.

When he also tried to pull out the old tale of how he just had a three year long relationship where he pretty much was sacrificing it all, I shut him up with I remembered, and I was out of a six year long one where I turned totally indifferent. We both had pasts, I went on, but it was unfair to carry them over into what we had.

Another defensive crap – when at some point I said how not cool it was to first make plans with somebody and then cancel them, he replied, we were just discussing getting together on Saturday, they weren’t really plans! I guess going forward I’ll have to check if what we agree on are, in fact, plans or just ‘discussions’. He knows he was BS-ing here though, I could tell. Just didn’t feel comfortable on the hot chair I rightfully put him on. Good!

I told him I wasn’t expecting him to cancel his new plans – and he went, good, cause he wasn’t going to and if I couldn’t deal with it, oh well. Which felt somewhat like a slap. But I started over, I didn’t want him to cancel on the buddies, I just wanted him to know how I felt about it.

He also didn’t consider calncelling Saturday plans on Thursday night as ‘last minute’, I said I did. So did bunch of my girlfriends – which I didn’t say out loud. I also got a feeling that he is oblivious that dates once a week are already a compromise on my side. Somehow I am always getting the short side of the stick.

Then we sort of wrapped up the discussion and talked about way lighter stuff for some time. But man, was I broken down! He frigging ruined my excitement over a night out with girls, and my last day at work in one fucking message. That’s a gift! 😡



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