Finance person talking here. I was yet again thinking of what’s bugging me in the whole “What if there’s someone else” scenario. I know, overthinking it and all. But still, if it bugs me, I need to know why.
And all it boils down to in my mind is wastefulness. I am inputting efforts into a relationship, the relationship. I invest time, emotions, money too into it. I develop attachment in the process. And my fear is that should it all turn out a one-way thing, I’ll not only feel foolish for spending it all, but also badly destabilised. I am trying very hard to grow some skin, borders or whatever you call it. But the longer this lasts, the harder it gets. I do get involved big time and I cannot not do it. This is how I date, I commit and I plunge into the thing. Now it’s better, I at least started swimming, not just sink anymore. But should it all turn out to be for nothing, it’ll hurt the further from the shore I get.