The main problem with me and my relationships with men (that is, after obsession with the thing) is that I don’t voice my issues. I don’t tell them how I feel. No, I do – when it’s a positive thing I am feeling. But I never say about things that bug me. Or avoid saying it at any cost. It’s me keeping the stuff to myself where it brews and explodes – in either fits of paranoia or snaps at men that come out of the blue!
I don’t want to be a kettle with steam whistle anymore. I want to be a bucket without a lid. Let the steam come out whenever I start boiling.
So since I will never guess right what motivates G. to act the way he does – all the secrecy, lying and other things that get on my nerves, I should quit trying to do so. It destibilizes me. Makes me vulnerable to these fits of paranoia. No overanalyzing going forward – cuz I end up in pieces. And with no clear understanding of what’s going on at all.
Instead I’ll employ the I approach – it’s all about me now! Here is a questionnaire that I’ll use going forward to response to his actions:
STEP 1: Physical check – am I hungry/thirsty/sleep deprived/hungover/mad at X/work/mom? – if answer is YES to any of these, DON’T GO FURTHER
STEP 2: Follow the flow!
And for now I decided to do the following – I’ll tell him that whenever there is no sex, I am not cool to go on without it for two weeks. So I’ll ask him to kindly make amends – compensate for that somehow. And let him come up with a way to do so.