Ahem, what do I think I am doing?

From a rather reflective and thinking person I somehow turned into an unstable act-first-think-later creature that I don’t recognize. I lost it!

Flirting with the Dutch Buddy, messaging with men on Match based on what? Suspicion that G. may be a cheat? That he may not be that into me?

I don’t want to become a cheat myself just to prevent hurting from being cheated on! And my whole suspicion is based on some tiny little things that prove nothing. And occurrence of someone new on his FB page who started liking his posts and who’s otherwise not present on the Internet. Very sketchy indeed!

I guess another conversation with the same girlfriend who helped me snap out of my paranoia got me back into it – she finally had the define the relationship talk with her jerk – and the guy said he didn’t feel he could have her around seven days a week. It sounds like my worst fear impersonated – so it hit too close to home for me. I realize in my mind, that these are different people, different circumstances and different everything. And they’ve been together for over four years. But that’s the danger of associating myself with somebody – I didn’t pull away in time and now I fear my case could be the same through the darn thing.

Also going out with a girlfriend tomorrow night – to the very same restaurant we went to with G. I am about to suggest he joins us (after the Dutch Buddy ditched my offer LOL) – for a drink or two if he likes, not the whole dinner – and I am ready to bet my paycheque he’ll turn me down with something like he doesn’t want to intrude or whatever – and knowing that he’s been out for drinks in company of this girl before – I am as sure as hell to get upset.

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