Few things that started my paranoia and my thoughts on these

First thing is me not realizing that people are different. I grew up with a father who was a figure of action. I became one myself. So whenever he said “We should do this or that”, I knew it was coming pretty shortly – the statement was made once the matter was decided. I am same way – when I announce something, I’ll do it soon.

So when G. said things like “we should come back to this restaurant again for their seafood Wednesday one day” or “Bowling sounds like a good idea, I haven’t done it in ages!” – and similar statements – I guess it got stuck in my mind as hooks of a sort – I was (and probably still am to an extent) on a hold – waiting for those things to happen. The fact they didn’t come only meant one thing in my interpretation – he must have changed his mind. Logically, the reason for that was he isn’t that into me.

But when I think of it now, I am not so sure anymore. My interpretation is still possible, mind you. But so is another one – he never made up his mind to begin with. To him these may be as theoretical as when he says how nice it would be to travel to Italy or Ireland with me one day. I somehow don’t expect any actions on those from him anytime soon. He may just not be an action person like myself.

Another thing is when he tells me things like he didn’t sleep well the night I stayed with him or tells me how hard the one weekend day is in the way that if he spends it at something he likes (paintball in this case) instead of doing his regular chores, he has to strain during the week to catch up on the chores. I know that most likely he says these things as part of regular exchange between us (we always discuss how well we sleep, I know, very romantic!), or to express his annoyance at the way his work schedule is. But a part of me always strains and goes – is he telling it to me to make excuses for not getting together with me on Sundays? Does he want me to not stay overnight anymore? On the latter I asked twice – if he thought his bad sleep had to do with my presence – he said no.

Same with the idea of why he keeps our relationship in secret. He already told me on few occasions he was very protective about what was going on in his personal life. So the fact that not even his friends may be aware of my existence doesn’t necessarily mean he keeps me a secret for some bad reason. It’s just that he’s not sharing stuff like that. Just like my mom.

The fact he’s aware that some of my girlfriends know about us, that a guy from work knows and he doesn’t care, is encouraging I guess. And honestly, I wouldn’t have liked it if he went around bragging about me either. I was somewhat concerned that he doesn’t acknowledge me on Facebook that much (very rarely will he like something I post), but then again, he has 350 people on his friends list, including his X – which is a good enough reason for not making them all wonder.

My takeaway from all these things – only time and time alone can help figure them out. I just don’t know the guy well enough yet to understand his actions or why he does or doesn’t say certain things.


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