Yet another big fear – resolved for now

I was discussing the issue with some gals this afternoon, and I said to one of them I hoped it wasn’t his attempt to shake me off. Like in when S. stopped feeling attracted to me at some point and now G. had the same thing happen. She said that it sounded like that and told me not to reach out to him and see if he contacts me.

Even though we’ve agreed to have another date next Saturday and all the things he did – like nearly saying the L word, all those small things that show he cares – like when I hit my foot on the coffee table, he kissed his fingers and carefully pressed them to the hurt foot or made sure to get me a glass of water on the nightstand after I mentioned how thirsty I was the last night we spent together, or asking me if I needed any aspirin this morning – all those things were forgotten in a moment and a full-blown panic attack kicked in. And kept going on until five, when me messaged me, asking how my day was and called me Darling.

Also he seems to be concerned with me and the Dutch Buddy staying in close touch – and I wonder if that’s jealousy? When I said last night that I knew so much stuff of what’s going on at my ex employer’s (and his still current), he immediately said, but of course you do, you’re still in touch with the Dutch Buddy! Although he’s perfectly aware that I am also in touch with one of the girls there, in fact she just stayed at my place for a sleepover this Friday – so I’d rather assume she was my source of information, as I mention her way more often to him than his boss.

I am only seeing suspicious things, my angle is this distorted. Like I find it suspicious that he didn’t check my BBM message I sent him just after eight – and I didn’t expect him to do so as he should be asleep by now – but then liked some silly post that some guy made on his FB wall ten minutes later if the time indicator on the silly social network is correct. Although the only conclusion could be – he was away from his cell and at his computer. Period. No further investigation required, case closed. So the decisions to seek the shrink’s help and to start fixing my brain from relationships issue and not self-esteem were very smart!


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