Other thoughts on the lie issue

G. was not three months out of a relationship when we started dating. What if he was at the stage of enjoying his freedom and being on his own – where he could do whatever he wanted to, whenever he wanted to, and as long as he wanted to? It’s like first few months in the residence after leaving the parents’ place. So he is now reluctant to give up those relatively recently discovered freedoms. For me the time after separation brought a short-lived relief and then I got sucked into care for the kids, work issues and basically pushed myself into dating which was partially a vent. For him there was no such added pressure from any of the listed things. So he just isn’t in a rush to give up the alone time. Quite understandable.

Another thought – I keep interpreting his actions from standpoint of my insecurity and keep missing the fact that he’s quite insecure himself – in some things he says or does, the looks and such – I can tell that he still cannot believe I am interested. Not fully and not all the time. If I were him, my train of thought might go somewhat like – there is this young, smart, highly educated, pretty and sexy gal who was admired by half of the male plant population (give or take – cannot say for sure), including his more educated and younger handsome boss – why would she want to be with someone like him?

And I am not trying to be cocky here, I am also not trying to demonstrate that I am above him in some way – I am not! He is a bright, smart, self-educated, kind, caring, funny, supportive and attractive guy who also as it turned out can cook (which is not on my skills list, but among those that I value). He has his own opinion on a broad number of subjects – in history, politics, economics and other areas. But from the social standpoint – even in this country – we are an odd match. And from what I gather, he used to go with what the society would expect him to go with – and ended up alone over and over again. Now that I said so, so did I – I dated and eventually married guys “of my own circles” – at least by the external metrics – and ended up where I am now.

I know that I told him before how much I hated lies and that I but it’s one thing being told  and another to witness what lies do to me. If he learns the lesson from Saturday (I also told him how I was drinking badly after that, I guess it makes the picture complete), good, we’re moving on. If not – then well, sooner or later my lies detector will come off again – and I’ll deal with it when and if I have to.

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