I need to go over this exercise now – for the sake of stretching at least some safety net across the abyss of my paranoia.
What’s my biggest fear about all those suspicions? What are the scenarios that make me all jerky?
Scenario One – He Is A Big Cheat
All those messages are from other female(s). Last Friday was a date night, not do nothing and relax on his own night. He’s just a womanizer he so furiously denied being some time ago. What then? He either ditches me sometime later – getting tired of me or whatever reason womanizers ditch women for. Or I learn of something, get tired of no development in our dating pattern and start a conversation that eventually leads to a breakup – whoever initiates it doesn’t matter. Where does it leave me in this case? In ruins for some time, boosting my already sizeable trust issues to enormous scale and making me a. take time off with men and b. obtaining another round of counselling. Doesn’t sound like a walk in a summer garden, but not an end of the world either. Since there is no mean jerks free space anywhere, anyone can run into one, all it takes is bad luck.
Scenario Two – All He Needs Is Some Fun And A Boost To His Self-Esteem
He is not intended to develop anything further. The statement of “I want to make it work” meant, in his mind, getting a few relaxing fun-filled dates with me, where I will still be hopeful that I am building Something, whereas all I get is the Present – dinner – nice chat – sex – movie – sleepover. If played out properly – i.e. spiced up with a measure of statements that can be interpreted as hope provoking (like the promise of taking me to Ireland) – this game can go on for few months. At some point I will start asking questions of where it all is going –it can be again prolonged for some more time by providing some evasive but promising answers. I guess this scenario is the scariest to me – because it leads to a greater emotional involvement on my part and no clear “mean jerk” diagnosis in the end that will help recovery. As it will most likely end in me losing patience at some point, starting another fight and him just playing the oh-so-tired-of-all-this-pressure role and quitting under this excuse. But I need a not-so-scary part to it – so here it is – even if he wasn’t originally planning anything serious (doesn’t seem he planned anything at all in my case to begin with) – plans change, emotions kick in – and I am a likeable person, I need to have trust in myself – and with patience and care tides can be turned. If they aren’t, I can always turn around and walk away. Because as my girlfriend put it, Remember, you don’t need him! Harsh but true.