I have a minute of free time on this crazy day – so here is what I’ve also thought about – after separation my life has been fragmented – well, it was that way before too, but not with so many fragments – currently I have work, kids, my mom, friends, household, hobbies, dating. They all require time and attention. They all feel like puzzle pieces or rather balls that I need to juggle with. And sometimes I just feel like I drop a ball or a few. That in turn sends me on a guilt trip. And I pull my dad’s trick sometimes – pretend not to see the ball on the floor at all.
Another level of complexity with all of it is that I am concerned with whether my dating life will ever become part of my family life, I mean, I don’t expect G. to move in and become part of my family tomorrow, for sure not. But since all of it is totally new to me, I feel uncertainty and that in turn adds to my feeling out of balance. I have no idea how it all works, I’ve never observed anything like that around me, so it’s a terra incognita to me, so makes me nervous. I do realize it’s too early to think about these things, but I cannot just put it on hold, brains don’t work that way!