Paranoid! Thanks for the definition G.!

So we went for lunch. I was there a bit early, as he is usually early too, so I figured. He kissed me hello, we got inside, the place isn’t exactly that suitable for dates – they don’t have any booths! Just tables and bar. And we got a table near washrooms too! Very very romantic! We were chatting over lunch, I didn’t feel any bad signals, really. We went out for a smoke break before we left, had a kiss that I initiated. So he suggested we go for a walk in a park by the river afterwards. I accepted.

Turned out we needed to drive there too! That was new as well! We usually stick to the area around his apartment building where we can walk to places – the park, the pub… I did strain again – like in – does he want to ditch me in a non-public place? But then I realized that going to the place by car is a good sign – unless he decided to combine that and some longer walk home (that one didn’t come to my mind at that point, thanks god!).

So when we have walked for some time having a casual chat, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I asked directly if we were OK. It came out like a mumble jumble too – I guess I was worried. He gave me a quizzical look in response. Then told me that we were and that I should quit being paranoid. Also called me nuts. (Not accusingly, just matter-of-factly). Then we walked for about forty more minutes. He started walking up to my car. It was three. An hour before he was supposed to be home. I even said (jokingly this time (I mean it!)) that he can’t wait to get rid of me. Got called paranoid again at this point if I remember correctly.

In the car he kissed me, also suggested we went to the liquor store together (I needed something and have mentioned that). When we eventually drove up to his building I asked if I could use the washroom. It wasn’t an excuse to extend the date, I really needed it and my drive home is a longer one too (thirty mins). He said sure, we went upstairs, I stayed for few mins after the washroom break, we talked. He said I should quit being paranoid again and that with his X she was there in body, but she wasn’t there at the same time. So he is not used to talking to people (his words, but I guess he meant ladies). And that he needed some time to adjust. Which all makes total sense. I also explained about S. ditching me after the second sex date and that I freaked out a bit, but I’ll be back to normal soon enough, now that we’re past that. We will meet next Friday, he’ll take me out for dinner.

He also keeps telling me how smart I am and how he learns new stuff every time we get together (a lecture on plan economy vs free market economy this time, I know, totally nerdish, but he kept asking questions!) – he keeps petting the nerd in me, good strategy, I must admit, it works! Cause I hardly heard any acknowledgement of my brain abilities from my X, and that feels good I must say!

Now what did bug me a bit, and I’ll write it down, just to keep it all in one place. At lunch he paused when I asked which game he was watching. Then said some abbreviation that turned out to stand for Kansas City Something. And that the game wasn’t until 8:30 tonight, but that he needed his beauty sleep (yup, a joke). So when I got home I did some googling. Cause that’s what us, paranoids, do. No game for Kansas City team on schedule tonight. There was one at 8:30 though. So I thought, he may have mixed that up (which is unusual for as big fan as he is, but whatever). So when he messaged me around six, I noted that it’s been a quite short beauty nap. He replied that he hasn’t slept yet and that he was watching the game. Going WTF in my mind, I noted that I thought the game wasn’t until later tonight, but I may have gotten confused. He went, that Pack (whatever that is) played tonight, but he’d never be able to watch it and that he was watching Dallas game. Just checked with google – that’s all true. So I’ll take it as a confusion/misunderstanding this time around.

Oh, and I forgot how nicotine withdrawal can turn one into a maniac – both physically and emotionally. So part of what’s happening to me is due to that. Part of it is though the sudden realisation brought on by yesterday’s freaking out that I do care for the guy. Like in a lot.

When I asked if we should tell the Dutch Buddy about us, he said that the guy was on a need to know basis only. Oh well, my hands are tied now on that one.


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