I have just realised that I finally got a grip on most aspects of my life – I took my budget, my house, my parenting, my friendship, my exercising, my eating habits and even my work issues under control – that’s how much support the THING was providing me with. Support, inspiration – whatever. And I could of course argue that it’s all from inside – if I hadn’t applied will, those things would be still lying around scattered. But it seems I need an external source of power to be able to run my show. I need something that I can call my, well, safe haven, pretty fenced spring garden in the depth of winter.
It’s odd that I don’t feel any need to do these things for myself. I don’t care enough – I am good at dodging shit flying my way from different directions and being in reactive mode. But once I got a THING, I felt an urge to fix them all, to make them work.
The moment I did the stool was kicked out from under my feet and with a whoosh I landed face down on the ground. Perfect timing, honestly.