Upd

Andrew rescheduled our meeting for Tuesday – I got an email on Monday morning since he sent it after 10 pm on Friday night. I had to get all posh dressed-up on Monday and Tuesday and ended up going to some shady storage location with the buddy of ours – and enduring constant stream of jokes at my overdressing.

The meeting yesterday was short and uneventful – Andrew confirmed they had big plans for me, said he didn’t care as to where in the office I were located and asked me if I had made up my mind. So I told him I would stay (I decided it after some thorough consideration of pros and cons over the weekend). And then I left.

I was wearing a very short dress yesterday, and wasn’t he trying hard not to look down when talking to me – that was too funny!

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And then everything changed

If the last Thursday and Friday morning were the lowest low for me in a very long time, then the rest of Friday was glorious!

Shortly after I made the resignation announcement to my boss and submitted a notice, I was called into the manager’s office (the guy who runs the whole place) and asked if there were anything he could do to make me change my mind. After I listed my items, he said he would look into what he can do about it and let me know on Monday. He said he wanted me to stay as I were the smartest person in my department and a great worker in general. He also asked me to call Andrew as he wanted to talk to me as well.

Then my buddy called me into his office, said that he told Andrew to call me the day before and even reminded him several times. He dialled Andrew’s number and left. Andrew told me he couldn’t ask me to stay if I’ve made up my mind, but also said that I must understand that the plan for me was to replace my boss in a year or two as part of restructuring process that is under way. He said I’ve already learnt one piece of the job better than my boss and they’re just waiting for me to catch up on the rest! O_O He also said that should I want a corporate career instead, he’s already helped another guy pursue such and he would be happy to help me in that direction as well! He said that he felt my pain of working for a challenging person (he called him something like loonietoon), but that we all got such people to work with on our career path and had to deal with it. We agreed to talk in person on Monday – I want to hear out their counter-offer and meeting with him in person will surely help their case :))

My buddy brought me popcorn later that day and said he was glad things weren’t that bad for them anymore. Later last night I texted him and thanked for his efforts in arranging that husstle. He said he was sure he was not the only fan of mine at the office but surely the biggest one. :)) Ain’t he sweet! Told him he was my favourite one 🙂

Bah

My buddy just called me to supposedly discuss a business trip we are to go on together next week. But he never called me before and maybe it’s me inventing things, but the whole conversation felt somewhat awkward – like there was an unspoken part to it. I guess it means there will be no conversation with Andrew after all. Oh well, somehow it hurts more than I expected. Stupid, stupid, stupid me! The easier it will be to sign the offer though. No illusions to keep me here.

Hmmm

So I told my buddy who is also Andrew’s buddy about the offer. He immediately asked if he could do something to change my mind. He had connections he added (meaning Andrew). I said I wasn’t sure it would  change anything – his connections are powerful, but I doubt they can change much in the circumstances…

Then the guy called me back into his office and asked me not to do anything final before I talk to Andrew. He promised he would let him know and arrange for a meeting or a call today (they’re at a different office today) – if I didn’t mind. I didn’t.

And I started having doubts, realizing that my doubts might come both from my fear of changes (legit one) and from my crush and unwillingness to leave because of it (stupid and crazy!). And now that I have that stupid and crazy part all worked up and excited, it’s midday and I haven’t heard anything. Good lesson of disappointment for my crazy part, although a bitter one for sure.

I’m back!

Well, it’s been awhile since my last post. Things have been happening. Short version – seems like I am about to leave my current employer and Andrew behind. I went for the last round of interviews today – and I am about to receive an offer, at least according to my recruiter.

I was all dressed up and made up today – even more than usual. So when I came back from the interview and had an encounter with Andrew, he was staring at me. For a moment I even thought he knew about the offer and all. I felt a guilt pang. But then I realized that I had this groomed look and was wearing a lipstick for the first time since we’ve met – so it seems like it was an effect! I made him stare!!! Yay! The more it is going to hurt when I’ll announce my leave.

But in earnest, there was no relationship to speak of from the beginning – like my friend has put it, when you’re about to separate, your brain tries to do its best to encourage you – including crush and any other means available.

Still, I do have romantic feelings for the guy – he is such a good match for me – me being a strong-willed lady, I need a strong-willed man to handle me and not bend under my pressure instead, cause the moment they do is the beginning of a downhill road leading to a disaster. 😦

Some silly idiotic part of me wishes that my departure would trigger something. Something in him he himself might not be aware of. But that is a silly and stupid part – so I will not feel that much disappointed if it’s totally wrong. And it is. Still it hurts.

Another silly post

Recently I had a very brief exchange with Andrew that went:

– May I ask you a question?

– You can ask me as many questions as you want!

*Me melting down*

Also, I realized that me removing my account from the dating site was most likely caused by the Andrew crush, not separation business. “Isn’t it ironic?!”

I was reading this blog and saw my attempt at explaining what’s so special about him – now I doubt my own words (don’t you love having discussions with yourself?) – it’s not his willingness to stand up for his own, it’s his air of self-esteem, near arrogance mixed with him being funny and easygoing whereas you can feel the steel he can turn into any second at all times. I guess that’s the mix I need – a peacock that in fact is a falcon – cold, strong and decisive – who cares about people but demands respect of them.

Another episode I forgot to mention – I was climbing a somewhat narrow staircase when he appeared at the top of it. He made a move as if he was about to kick me off the stairs – totally childish of him! Some time later we ended up in a reverse situation with me at the top of the same stairs – I said it was time for revenge, but I wouldn’t do it as I sort of still felt I needed my job. He seemed to be offended by that – the fact our fooling around could affect my job I mean. I hope it’s a good sign.

Watching my own life

It’s really funny to turn some parts of your life into a sociology experiment. Or use it for that purpose.

When I list examples of my ex’s behaviors to illustrate reasons for separation, different people are outraged or shocked by totally different things – most North Americans cannot believe the guy would knowingly endanger my professional certification and not even apologize for it or acknowledge his fault. Some people were shocked by the fact he would yell at me in public place and/or hack my email account and accuse another person of disclosing information they were expressly asked to keep confidential. A true mom was shocked he would kick a toy table and it nearly hit a then nine month old baby. All in all I guess the realization of the extent to which my relationship could be called abusive on his part has only started setting in…

I’ve been on a date!

Well, my separation is a matter of history now so I decided to try out an online dating site! Especially when two of my friends had a positive experience with those… I went on and registered and started an avalanche of winks, faves, chats and emails. Had some fun chatting, then this guy who sounded interesting emailed me. His email did look somewhat like a pre-composed thing he sends out to anyone who catches his eye. But I still decided to give it a shot – with him living in an extremely nice town I’ve been to and all…

Continue reading “I’ve been on a date!”