Sweet dreams

Last night I dreamed of Andrew for the first time. At least it’s the first time I remember it. And the dream was so realistic too! He flirted with me in it too! We were in some kind of meeting together and then I had to go and remove my make up for some unfathomable reason. When I returned he noted that I was actually older than he thought. Which I turned into a teasing rant. And then the flirting kicked in – nothing too naughty, but rather sweet. I might not be over the whole thing after all. I am not sure how I feel about it – rather excited I guess.

Real life whining

Whining has never been my thing. I can grumble, rant, vent or be pissed. Whining, self-pity and such are foreign to my nature. And still, the pressure of the situation is getting at me, I am feeling caught between anvil and hammer, not the best place to be in for sure. I feel guilty for pertaining in my stubbornness – no matter what my husband does or says, I will not give him another chance. I guess he ran out of chances with me, realization that he screwed up and lost what he had seems to finally set in. However, he still tries to fight it. And the whole fidgeting on his part only annoys and irritates me, and makes me feel guilty for not feeling anything else whatsoever.

I have this gut feeling, intuition telling me “you’re doing the right thing, no matter how hard it feels now”. I hope it’s right, as it’s been so many times before.

Andrew has been in sight for the few days last week, but I guess my crush is anything but gone – I can put up with many things for a while, but not total ignorance. I will not spend my time on someone who prefers not to notice me for whatever reason. My new age resolution if you will.