I am so freaking mad at my husband right now! He doesn’t know how to access his revenue services account online! And he sounds dismissive about my rage on the subject. I am the one who needs control, I am the most disorganized person in the universe and yet I ended up with someone even more disorganized and careless. I need to check kids’ car seats after he installs them too – they may be all wobbly and he won’t care – that man has no quality standards – he just does things to rid himself of the responsibility.
And he was all whiny last night about how we keep getting more and more apart over time – dude, I wanna be on a different planet right now!
Andrew totally ignored me today – just hi-d back and went on his business. He must be totally stressed out – there are reasons for that for sure – but still that feels bad.
His buddy on the other hand tends to stop by now and then in the evenings for a small talk – asking me how I was doing and calling me the queen of overtime. No flirting there, just a nice friendly exchange that makes me feel better after stressful days.
Since I’ve posted here. Well, there was no Andrew in sight for the last too many days to count.
I’ve started seeing a counselor – yeah, now I’m officially paying someone to talk to me, or rather listen to me. In fact, I am trying to straighten out my life – it’s worth the money if the lady helps me with it. She seems fine – it’s the first time I’m doing it, no idea how to tell if someone sucks at the stuff or is brilliant.
Andrew is back today – and is it my imagination gone wild or did he really expect something more that the casual “I am fine, how’re you?” response to his greeting? Must be my crazy imagination playing tricks on me. I still feel like that stupid dysfunctional blond Sniffler’s mom around him now and then, I must admit.
So I booked my first appointment with a counselor next week. I am seriously going to pay money to someone to listen to my rants. I’m a big girl, it’s official now. I really need to figure my life out, I am tired of this ever-lasting struggle within and on the outside. I am an energetic person, but my resources are spread thin these days.
Yesterday was my first day back after a three-weeks break. It’s been a tough day and even a pretty close sight of Andrew didn’t improve it. As a matter of fact I even imagined for yesterday that the whole Andrew thing was over.
Today proved differently – it felt like some sleeping animal inside started stirring slowly but surely recovering from its slender. It’s troubling but exciting at the same time.
His buddy is quite all right too – the one I attended an activity that Andrew ended up missing. The buddy is somewhat goofy but he is handsome (in my understanding of handsomeness) and he seems to enjoy my company which I appreciate.